


Burning in the Skies

by Indehed



Series: Chambers of the Human Heart [1]
Category: EastEnders
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-06
Updated: 2011-01-06
Packaged: 2017-11-04 20:51:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 37,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/398090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Indehed/pseuds/Indehed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christian saves Stacey Slater when the Queen Vic goes up in flames. As he lies in hospital, Syed surprises him with an important question. Meanwhile, one of Christian's new clients begins to make his mark on Walford with a new purchase...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers up through the Queen Vic Fire and although I go off on a tangent at that point, I may still use references for characters through to the present day (Nov 2010 and beyond).  
> This story portrays a canon homosexual relationship between two men.  
> Thanks to Madworld for the beta!

He'd hung up the phone just five minutes ago. Before then he'd been in the shower, getting ready to go meet Sy in the Vic after a long day of training. And then all he'd done was finish dressing, grab a couple of biscuits to keep him going and check himself in the mirror one last time. All of which paled into insignificance when he walked down Turpin Road.

The closer he got the louder the shouting was, the brighter the night sky seemed and the smell of smoke intruded in his nostrils. Eyes widening, Christian rushed closer trying to find out what had happened. It had only been five minutes; it couldn't have been more than that, surely. Five minutes ago he'd joked with Syed that he'd be there soon and they'd be able to enjoy their evening, he may have even thrown in a few innuendos. Now he was frantically scanning the crowd of people littered around the outside of a now burning pub, desperately trying to see where Syed was.

He called out his name, more than once, trying to locate him until he could see Tam and a first aid kit back by the railings of Albert Square. Noticing the mop of dark hair beside the younger Masood, he rushed over and didn't even say anything before leaning down and gathering his partner into a tight hug.

"Thank God you're okay." He spoke breathlessly against Syed's temple. "What happened?"

"I don't know, the fire came out of nowhere. The place just seemed to explode."

"No, to you," Christian pulled back slightly, his fingers going to Syed's head where he seemed to be injured, though it didn't look bad and right now he was just happy that the injury was minor. It could have been much worse. "I meant what happened to you."

"I'm fine, really," Syed started, but Christian's stare was easy to translate, and clearly demanded that Syed just tell him exactly what happened. "I got knocked over in the rush to get out. Got a little bit trampled on, but I'm fine."

Christian just sighed and pulled Syed back into a hug - this one more out of relief than anything else. He looked over Sy's shoulder and saw Tam giving them a pretty blank look, obviously not wanting to show any feeling either way for his brother and his boyfriend - not when Masood was standing mere feet from them.

The sound of smashing glass tore through the atmosphere and both men turned to face the pub once more. Never had Christian expected a fire to sound so loud but even now, his heart sank as he saw that someone was still upstairs and his mind immediately panicked that it might be Roxy up there.

He pulled to his feet reluctantly. But he had to tell himself that since Syed was alright, maybe others weren't and he should do something to help. There had to be something that he and others standing around could do.

He could still feel Syed's hand in his and he turned to look down at his lover. "I'm going to see if I can help."

"Christian, no."

"You'll be fine, I'll be right back." He leaned down and kissed the top of Syed's head.

"Christian, the fire brigade will be here soon, it's their job."

"Like I said, I'll be right back. I promise." He squeezed Syed's hand and then let go before giving a tight smile to Tam, asking him to look after Syed for him while he was away. Tam could only nod back, while giving a glancing look behind at his father, Masood, who was still standing in silence, ignoring Christian to the best of his ability.

Christian ran over to where a small crowd had gathered under the window. Pat, Ryan, Janine and more were all looking up to where, as Christian could now make out, Stacey was trapped in one of the bedrooms. Jean was frantic, not able to stand still, watching her child at the window upstairs. And, oh God, baby Lily was up there too. A ladder had already been grabbed from somewhere and Ryan was ready to go up after them. Christian held the ladder and watched as Stacey passed the baby out the window to him, telling him to make sure Lily was okay - take her down to safety. As Ryan approached the bottom of the ladder, he handed the baby over to Jean but before he could go back up after Stacey, something caused another explosion through the building, the pressure sending a shockwave through the ladder and knocking him off balance and down to the ground, landing badly, and Ryan grimaced in pain.

In an unthinking moment, Christian grabbed at the ladder and turned to Ryan, seeing him slightly shell-shocked from being knocked over. "I'll get Stacey."

The words were out of his mouth before he'd had time to think but it was the right thing to do regardless. Someone had to go up there, the sirens were in the distance but still too far away and they could no longer see Stacey at the window. Something could have happened, she might be hurt, need to be carried down. And somehow, it just made sense that Christian should be the one to go up.

"I can manage." Ryan said, but Janine had grabbed onto him, not wanting her new husband to risk himself, not again. Christian had no one holding him back, not physically, and he also knew he had to try something.

"No offense Ryan, but I'm probably stronger than you. I'll have a better chance of getting Stacey down."

"Christian, please," Seeing the look in Jean's eyes was enough for him to try, "Please bring her down to me."

With a quick nod, Christian climbed the ladder and called out to Stacey as he neared the top, hoping she'd hear him and come back to the window. He heard a call of his name in response. But not from Stacey. This call came from below. Syed had now appeared at the bottom of the ladder, with Tam and Masood in tow, though they had likely just followed him out of concern for his injury. Christian looked back down at Syed and smiled at him, trying to let him know that he was and would be okay, but Syed's answering glare showed how little he believed that. Not when his lover was currently climbing the side of a burning building.

He climbed a little higher to be level with the window and called Stacey's name once more. He spotted her, just below the window - she was there, awake, but panic stricken and keeping low to stay below the smoke as much as possible.

Christian took a deep breath and then reached over to the window. Despite yet another call from below, he couldn't turn back around. If he did, he would give up and climb down to be in the safety of Syed's arms. He'd leave Stacey where she was.

He couldn't do that.

He kept his focus and climbed over and into the room. His eyes widened as he saw the flames licking at the door and up towards the ceiling. The room had filled with a thick grey and black and orange smoke that made it difficult to see and breathe. Stacey wouldn't last much longer without getting some decent air into her. He grabbed her shoulders to get her attention, calling her name once more.

"Stacey, you need to get out onto the ladder."

Stacey shook her head, the fear evident in her eyes.

"Come on, it's okay, I'll help you."

"It's too high." She coughed out.

"I'll help you." He repeated. "You need to get out of here. And Lily needs you."

The emotional blackmail of mentioning Lily seemed to work as Stacey nodded and let Christian pull her to her feet. They both hovered at the edge of the window, but once more Stacey looked out and froze up.

"It's too far."

"No it's not, not with my help," he kept as calm as he could, even though he really didn't feel it. "I'll hold onto you and won't let go until I know you're safe on the ladder, okay?"

She nodded again and he helped her climb out, both of them trying to avoid the sharp shards of glass around the edges of the window pane. She reached out one leg to get to the rungs of the ladder, but it wobbled slightly and her hand dug back into Christian's. He tried to reach his other hand out and over to steady it as she climbed on but it meant him straining at the distance and hanging out of the window himself. Stacey's hand gripped tightly onto his, even as she was almost safely onto the ladder, but she was having difficulty letting go of him.

"You're okay, just let go and climb down." The others below were shouting encouragement up at her and as she glanced down the sight of baby Lily once more spurred her on. She smiled at him, mouthed thank you, and was able to finally let go and climb.

Christian kept an eye on her the whole way down, leaning out of the window as much as he could, trying to get to fresher air. He coughed as the smoke wound around his nose and mouth and forced its way into his throat. As Stacey neared the ground he readied himself to climb back out, aware now that fire fighters were on their way as he could hear the sirens get ever closer.

He was getting light headed; he could feel it and he knew he needed to get out as quickly as possible.

Then he felt a rumble underneath him. Having witnessed the last mini explosion as it ripped through the building he immediately recognised this as another. There was no way he'd make it out on time and he'd rather not fall from the first floor to the ground. But he had no time to decide whether to stay inside or not as the pressure ripped into the room, blowing the door open, letting the flames lick further and higher around him, and the gust of air pushed him onto the windowsill. He gasped as his body made contact with the wood and glass and he struggled to keep his feet on the ground as he was practically pushed out with the force.

He stayed still, unsure of what had just happened to him. He heard his name. Yes, it was his name, over and over... it sounded like different people calling, people he recognised and knew but couldn't place at the moment. One voiced ripped through them all, the first his senses could recognise again and that was Syed.

Syed. The person he had to get back to because he'd been injured in the fire and Christian wanted to take care of him. Get him home. Get the stench of smoke from his clothes. Lie in bed with him and never let go.

He smiled through the fog in his mind and opened his eyes, letting his vision swim back into focus. He looked over himself, and pushed back despite a pain in his side. He used his hand to push up from the window but immediately knew that was a bad idea as glass bit into his skin and he hissed as he realised what he'd done to himself. But it didn't matter, not now anyway.

Turning his head he saw the flames much closer. He dared not look fully behind him because he really didn't want to know how close they were to him, or how high to the ceiling they were.

Looking back down, he saw Syed try to grab hold of the ladder and climb up to him. He tried to shout 'no' down to him but somehow he couldn't say it, all he managed was a weak cough and he frowned at the realisation that somewhere between his head and his mouth he'd been unable to speak.

Masood pulled at Syed's waist, not letting him climb up, and as Ryan once more tried, Janine and Pat pulled at him to stop. There was no point in risking anyone else. It was like a stupid game... one up and one down. Christian found some strength and pushed fully away from the window, but that only meant he was back into the thick smoke again and he doubled over as he realised that the dull throb in his side was more than that.

He looked down but he couldn't make things out in the smoke and the tears forming at the corner of his eyes. He looked down, his black shirt didn't look different, but he couldn't see right anyway. He touched where the pain was and winced again. Pulling his hand away he could see something on his fingertips and was convinced it was blood.

He heard another call of his name, this time clearer, closer. Male. He turned back from the wall and to the window again and his eyes widened in shock as he saw Masood there. On the ladder.

"Christian! You have to get out. Now. Quickly."

"Masood? What...?"

"Now, Christian!"

Christian put his hands on the windowsill, gingerly, avoiding the glass he knew was there, and he kept his movements slow so as not so bring that biting pain back into his side.

"Christian!" Masood's voice seemed angry, hurried and Christian's foggy brain couldn’t put two and two together, let alone work out why Masood of all people would be standing on the ladder making sure he was okay. Or at least, checking he wasn't dead yet from oxygen deprivation.

"Where's Syed?" Christian asked as he bent down over the window.

Masood could only give an exasperated sigh. "He's at the bottom of the ladder. I wouldn't let him come up here so you've got me. Now give me your hand and climb out. Now!"

Christian reached out and Masood grabbed him around the wrist, holding onto him. The look on Masood's face was a knowing one - he could tell Christian didn't trust that he wouldn't let go, it wasn't something that Christian could hide from him.

"I'm not going to drop you. I give you my word."

"You left me for dead once before, why not now?" Christian now had one leg over the window and was trying to keep his balance.

"I regret that, believe me. Now I'm going to move down so you can get a hold on the ladder. I'll make sure you can't fall."

Masood didn't let go of Christian until he had a foot and his hand on the ladder, then he moved down and out of the way and let Christian finish pulling himself over. As Christian looked down, making sure he didn't stand on Masood's hands, he saw Syed, clearer than he'd been able to from inside the Vic's bedroom, and saw him covering his face with his hands, barely able to look or stand still. Much like how he'd seen Jean look before he'd climbed up in the first place.

He took his time going down, each time he lowered his left leg it seemed to stretch the skin of his stomach and the pain once more erupted in his side but he'd worry about that when he was down.

As firefighters began running around below, Christian had almost reached the bottom and could already feel hands on him, trying to help him, even though none of them realised they were making the pain he was feeling worse. He stumbled on the last rung and lost his footing. He fell into the person beside him, who he belatedly realised was Masood, and then slumped onto him before falling forward. Hands kept him from hitting the ground, too many hands, and he just wanted them to let him go so he could lie down. He just wanted to lie down somewhere.

"Christian."

Hearing his name on Syed's lips though, that was enough to jar his attention and he looked to where the voice was coming from and knew that one of the people holding him was his Syed. And although Syed was also hurt, Christian felt better knowing Sy was there again and a strange smile formed on his lips. Only for the pain and a grimace to return when someone's hand skirted over his wound.

"Sy, it hurts."

"Hold on, put him down." Syed's orders were barked at everyone trying to help, and they let go as they let him come to rest on the pavement.

Mosood stayed hovering beside them and Tamwar was nearby. Ryan and Janine weren't far away, the newlyweds comforting each other as Ryan sat nursing a sore leg. Jean held Lily while Stacey was attended to by a paramedic giving her oxygen. And most others were in a shrieking group by the Vic's front doors as it seemed more people were being dragged out. Just then another blast shook the vicinity and made Christian lean forward too fast. He felt Syed's arms go over him and cover both their heads, sheltering them from the blast.

"Christian, where are you hurt?" Syed's worried voice cut through every other sound around him as his hearing came back after the explosion.

"My side." He hissed out, no point in hiding anything like an idiot. He was in pain, it hurt, and it was plain to see. He put a hand to his side and then felt Syed's join his, both of them able to feel the stickiness of blood on the material of his shirt.

"You're bleeding. Sit back." Syed moved around him so he could get a better look. "Tam, get a paramedic, tell them Christian's badly hurt and bleeding. Go!"

Tamwar, hurried off towards an ambulance, grabbing the first paramedic he could find while Syed lifted Christian's shirt carefully.

"I told you not to..." he trailed off, running a tired hand over his face, "You stupid..."

"I didn't think..."

"No, you didn't," Syed interrupted.

The paramedic knelt at Christian's side and took over from Syed, being careful of Christian's wound, asking him how it happened, where it hurt. Christian answered the questions as best he could, well aware of Syed, and Masood, eagerly listening in to what he was saying, though likely both for very different reasons. The concern flowing from Syed was obvious, Christian could see it in his eyes as his attention wavered between answering the paramedic and making sure Syed was both okay and staying right there with him. Masood's eyes though, his had once more turned blank and showed his distaste for the relationship between his son and former co-worker.

While Christian couldn't take his eyes from Syed, an oxygen mask was lowered over his head and into place, giving him a small fright at first. Syed knelt down behind him and took his hand as the paramedic worked, beckoning for a stretcher to be brought over so they could take Christian to the hospital.

Amidst the din of everything around them and with the majority of his concentration on Syed, on his hand holding his own, on the other keeping a light hold on the back of his head, comfortingly, Christian was mostly unaware of what he was being told was happening. He took in some information about glass in the wound, loss of blood, smoke, oxygen deprivation, shock, all of which meant next to nothing and was pretty much no different to what he'd see or learn on the likes of Casualty or Holby City...

He tried to speak but the mask over his face prevented much. He reached a hand to move it, "Syed..."

Syed's hand joined his but tried to push the mask back into place.

Christian shook his head and pulled again at the mask, "Syed, you need to be seen to as well, your head..."

The paramedic glanced up at Syed, who merely shook his head, "I'm fine, just take care of Christian."

Christian couldn't say anything more as Syed once more made sure the mask was on his face, before he leaned his head down and pressed his forehead to Christian's.

He whispered Syed's name behind the mask and it came out more as a croak. He lifted his hand to the back of Syed's neck and once more the movement stretched the skin by his wounds and he hissed in pain. He wasn't sure if he felt brave to have withstood the fire and the pain or whether he was over-reacting as the tears formed at the corner of his eyes. He was still lightheaded, he assumed from the smoke, but perhaps from an amount of blood loss as well and for some unknown and stupid reason he tried to sit up properly.

Falling back immediately his vision swam and he felt as if the world was swimming. A few moments later, while hearing his name being said, and the faint sound of sirens and burning wood, he slipped into unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

His head was throbbing but that meant absolutely nothing to him right now. All Syed cared about was the fact that while he had been holding him, Christian had slipped into unconsciousness, and that had been truly terrifying.

Most of the next few minutes had been a complete blur. Another paramedic had joined them, somehow Christian was then on a stretcher and before he knew it they were carting him off to an ambulance to be rushed to hospital. He felt a hand on his arm and turned to see his father's face and it was one he struggled to interpret... he seemed angry, disapproving, yet concerned all rolled into one, and as he returned the look with a confused one of his own, he shrugged off the hand and went running after Christian.

As he watched the ambulance men settle Christian into the vehicle he heard Ian's voice shouting at Peggy and his brain was still working enough for a sudden thought to occur to him.

Jane.

He turned around, looking for her. She should know about this, she was Christian's family and the only other person around who truly loved him. He saw her, in a dress, looking out of place amongst the soot covered faces. She and Ian had been out for the evening. Something rare in itself and she had enjoyed getting the chance to dress up for a meal out.

"Syed, where's Christian?!" She called as she ran over to him.

He couldn't answer her at first. It took time to get a sentence out. He pointed, lacklustre, towards the back of the ambulance. "He's..."

"Oh my God..." Her hands covered her mouth.

"He's okay! I think..." Syed put in quickly, not wanting Jane to assume the worst. "He got hurt though... we have to get to the hospital."

"Right," Jane seemed to be coping better with this than Syed, but she hadn't seen him yet, she hadn't held him while he was in pain. Syed couldn't help but hate having seen that and he knew right now he never wanted to see it again. "I'll get Ian to get the car..."

She ran off, grabbing her husband and giving him orders.

Syed took the opportunity to look around him at all the people, some in floods of tears, others visibly shaken and yet more just staring in disbelief at what had happened - and all in such a short space of time. He felt guilt weigh down on him and his heart sunk like a stone into his stomach. Guilt for not wanting Christian to put himself in danger in the first place, guilt for having Christian hurt worse than himself... and guilt for concentrating solely on his partner tonight when all this carnage lay around them; while Christian had managed to think of the right thing to do, and helped out. He felt an inadequacy to the selflessness Christian had. It was something he'd be praying for later.

As he looked over to his family, Zainab was now hugging Masood, and Tam was leaning against the railings of the square. Seeing his mother there... reminded him how she had saved him from the fire. Come back for him to make sure he got out okay. It gave him hope that they might be able to get their relationship back on track.

He didn't understand though, how they could look down their noses at someone like Christian. How could being gay be bad? How could loving someone that much be bad? Christian shouldn't need to prove himself to them or anyone else but surely he had done so tonight. If there was one thing he was more certain of each day, it was that loving Christian wasn't a sin.

Jane grabbed hold of his arm and they ran to the car.

He may not want to see Christian in pain ever again but he'd have to see him in the hospital, see him hurt. He had to prepare himself for that.

\--

He was already sick of the sight of drab hospital walls. He'd read all the posters. He'd sat in different creaky plastic chairs. He'd tried to glance at a 3 month old copy of OK! but he couldn't even concentrate on the gaudy headlines let alone take any of the articles in. Occasionally he paced and at one point he'd been tempted by a weak cup of tea from a vending machine but then he'd decided against it. He wasn't going to do anything until he'd seen Christian, not eat or drink or rest. Christian was his priority right now.

They'd been told it could still be a decent length of wait and in the meantime he'd persuaded Jane to go home with Ian, make sure the kids were okay and get changed out of her fancy clothes before coming back in. They'd been gone now for a good half an hour and Syed was still in the waiting room, watching all the sick and injured around him and his mind kept wandering when he took in the sight of blood. It took him back to sitting on the kerb outside of the Vic and feeling Christian's warm skin as the blood coated his t-shirt.

It had been scary. There was no other way to put it. It had frightened him badly and if he was to stop and think about it too much then he would surely break down in tears entirely. It was bad enough that he was sitting here in public wiping his eyes every so often, taking in the pitying glances of others waiting on news of loved ones for whatever reason, from minor to serious injury.

The trouble was he had no real idea how bad Christian was. The shock of seeing him hurt and his concentration being completely on Christian had meant he hadn't really known what the paramedics were doing.

"Jane Beale?" The soft voice of a female doctor interrupted Syed's thoughts.

He looked up to see her looking around for an acknowledgment of the name. Syed stood. "Jane went home to check on the kids."

"Are you her husband?" She asked.

"No, I'm Christian's b-... Christian and I are together."

"I'm sorry; I need to wait until Mrs Beale arrives back."

"What? Why? I'm supposed to update her when I can with news."

"She's his listed next of kin. Unless you and he were married, then I'm afraid you'll have to wait."

She walked off, leaving Syed floundering. He ran a hand through his hair before approaching her again at the nurses' station. "Can't you tell me anything? You can see I'm upset, this is important to me, and to him... and his sister. We need to know how he is."

"And you will. If she's fine with you being here when I go over his condition then you'll be able to support one another."

"And until then I'm supposed to keep standing here worrying when you could be putting my mind at ease. Even if the news is bad I'd rather hear it than keep pacing around and thinking the worst."

"Those are the rules."

"Well, they're ridiculous."

She reached a hand out to his arm, "Go get a cup of tea, have a sit down. The minute Mrs Beale arrives I'll be back out to see you."

Syed took a deep breath and bit his lip. He could hit something but he didn't want to create an incident. She was doing her job; it wasn't her fault that the rules felt terribly wrong at this moment. A rational part of his mind agreed with them but the majority of his thoughts were so caught up on Christian right now that he just wanted the rules to be damned. He was tempted to run into the casualty unit and rip aside curtains until he found Christian so he'd know for himself, without any doctors or nurses, just how his boyfriend was.

'Boyfriend'. He'd struggled to say it to the doctor. He'd changed his mind and said partner instead. He didn't really know what to call himself in relation to Christian. With Amira it had been simpler. Girlfriend. Fiancée. Wife. They had been the labels thrust upon them by tradition and expectation rather than emotion, and were simpler and more common in the community that he knew.

But now, being with a man... it was something he was still coming to terms with. It was easy to say he was in a relationship with Christian. That described what they were doing though, and not what they meant to each other. They may not have been living together properly for long but 'boyfriend' seemed inadequate and teenager-ish. ‘Partner’ sounded like they owned a law firm together. Or just some generic, politically correct term some politician had come up with to describe a relationship in some non-sexualised, non-gendered way so as not to upset anyone.

Maybe he should have asked Jane to pick up some stuff from the flat. Clearly Christian would be kept in; he might need clothes or a toothbrush or something.

Christian's phone would have been in his back pocket. They were in a hospital; you're supposed to turn them off in hospitals. Christian's may still be on. Should he tell someone?

Syed sat down with an audible thump and rubbed his eyes again. His brain was darting about all over the place. He needed to get a grip.

He needed the information that Doctor had on her clipboard.

He immediately stood back up with purpose and strode over to the reception desk.

"This is stupid," he said the moment the man behind the desk looked at him. "They won't tell me how he is because I'm not related. Can't there be an exception made? His sister is probably on her way back with her phone in hand just waiting for me to call her."

"Sir, the Doctor told you the rules. And I can't help. Even if I did want to tell you, I don't know anything about your friend's situation."

Syed leaned on the counter and ducked his head, frustrated. He kept the low growl to himself but it was difficult.

He looked up again, "He's not just me friend he's... he's my fiancé. Does that make a difference?"

The receptionist, Dillon, going by the name on his badge, just gave Syed a withering, sympathetic look before turning to answer the questions of a middle-aged woman who had approached.

Syed didn't look around at anyone else in the waiting area, so he didn't know for sure if anyone had witnessed him at the desk but his imagination said they all did, and were openly staring at him right now. He picked a seat at the end of a row and sat down again. Resting his elbows on his knees he started chewing at his nails with worry and kept his eyes down.


	3. Chapter 3

Every time Syed looked up he saw a poster reminding everyone to wash their hands to avoid Swine Flu. Now that he'd memorised the words written on it he'd decided enough was enough and, grabbing his phone from his back pocket, he stood and made his way outside, turning it on as he went.

Once into the fresh air he became keenly aware of the smell of smoke emanating from his clothing. Wrinkling his nose he shook out his jacket in case there were still bits of ash on him and he quickly texted Jane, 'Get here quick, won't tell me anything unless ur here.'

He sighed as he thrust his hands into his pockets and decided to wait out there for a while longer. Hospitals were depressing, and as much as he was feeling a pull to be as close to Christian as he could be right now, he knew he needed to take these moments again to settle himself. Even now he could still feel his heart beating fast when he let himself once more drift back to the moment he saw Christian climb that ladder.

 

__  
Tam had been standing in his way, still trying to check the bump on Syed's head, but after shoving his brother to the side he saw the dark figure climb the ladder and, eyes widening, he'd darted to his feet, dizziness not stopping him, and rushed right over, shouting Christian's name as he went.

Christian had looked down, smiled, and kept going. In that moment he could have throttled his boyfriend. He'd even had a fleeting moment of temptation to shake the ladder and make Christian fall back down, thinking that preferable to seeing him climb into a burning building. But watch him climb through the window is what he had done and as he'd raised his hands to his face and whispered 'no' over and over to himself, he'd felt Tam's hand land on his shoulder.

He'd staggered back into his brother and father as the explosion had ripped through the building and his world had come to stillness and silence as the blood pumped hard in his ears, as he waited to see Christian moving.

Grabbing for the ladder he was pulled back, he'd suspected by Tam, but then his father had been the one he'd seen when he'd turned angrily to push the hands aside.

"You're not going up there."

"I have to get to him, I have to!"

"No!"

"You can't stop me." He'd said, his eyes daring Masood to say anything about Christian that was remotely derogatory - because the way he felt right now, punching his father would not be a hardship and he'd make amends to God later for an outburst.

Masood had just stared into Syed's eyes, only for his expression to suddenly soften. "I'll go."

"What?" It was barely audible but he'd said it, he'd asked it. What was his father doing? His confusion had meant Masood had caught him off guard and before he knew it, his father was halfway up the ladder.

 

He was brought back to the present by the sound of his phone beeping. "Almost there!" the text from Jane read, and sure enough a few minutes later he could hear her running up to the A&E doors.

"Ian's parking the car, what are they saying?" She was slightly out of breath from the short run.

"That's just it, they won't tell me, they'll only tell you because you're his next of kin."

"You told them who you are though, right?" Her bag kept falling off her shoulder as she walked back into the hospital with Syed.

"It didn't make a difference."

Jane's elbows landed on the desk with a thump. "I'm back to see Christian Clarke, the doctor asked to see me."

Dillon, the receptionist smiled at both of them and paged the doctor, telling them to take a seat again. Jane rolled her eyes as they were once more made to wait. They sat down together. "Christian would have wanted you to be told, maybe there's a form we can fill in to make sure?"

"I think you have to be an actual family member. Technically, I'm not."

"Close enough, the two of you have been together for ages, if you count... from before." Jane had never been quite comfortable talking about their past, seemingly unsure as to how much to bring up in case she offended him. Truth be told, Syed found it awkward to talk about it but it happened, and that wouldn't change. They may as well let it come up in conversation naturally.

*

Eventually the Doctor came to see them and took Jane and Syed away from prying ears and eyes.

"Well?" Jane asked immediately.

"Your brother is going to be fine. We had to take out a rather large piece of glass from his abdomen as well as some smaller fragments. He was lucky. If it had been any bigger or the impact any harder it could have perforated his stomach. His hands have also been treated for cuts. Overall we expect him to recover without any problems."

Both Jane and Syed breathed a sigh at the news and Syed rubbed both hands over his face, sending up a silent prayer of thanks while Jane closed her eyes in relief.

The Doctor continued, "We're just waiting for a bed in the ward to open up and will be moving him shortly. If you'd like to see him now I can take you through, but he is still unconscious."

Jane didn't answer at first and Syed took over for her, "We need to see for ourselves that he's okay."

Jane could only nod and put a hand on Syed's shoulder as the Doctor led the way for them.

As the curtain was drawn back they took in the sight of Christian on the hospital gurney, an oxygen mask over his face, and bandaged hands. Syed was glad not to see below the covers as his imagination of the size of bandaging and gauze over Christian's abdomen was bad enough without seeing it for himself.

Syed ran his fingers lightly over the back of Christian's hand, almost afraid to take hold of it in case he hurt his lover. He settled for resting his hand on Christian's wrist and gripping it lightly. Jane stood on the other side of the bed and ran her hand over Christian's forehead.

She turned to the Doctor, "The mask?"

"He was exposed to fire and smoke for an extended period of time. On top of that he's been given some very strong painkillers; it's just a precaution, a standard procedure."

"He looks so pale." Jane said, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. "I need to get my husband,” she said suddenly.

"Of course, "The Doctor nodded at Syed and moved aside for Jane who stopped briefly.

"We'll be back in a moment, Syed. You'll be okay on your own with him, yeah?" Syed nodded and she left, leaving him alone with Christian.

There was plenty of background noise and action in the vicinity, but none of it mattered. With the flimsy curtain closed it was enough to block out the world so he just stayed where he was and just stared at Christian, willing him to be okay with his mind. Willing him to open his eyes and smile that cheeky smile at him and make fun of him for worrying over nothing.

But Christian lay still in the bed, the sound of the oxygen pumping into the mask the only noise coming from him.

Syed felt a tear build at the corner of his eye, about to spill over. He refused to cry, not in the hospital, not in front of Jane and not when he knew Christian would be fine. There was some relief showing in his emotions but seeing Christian like this was distinctly horrible and was something he had hoped never to see in the first place and, right now, hoped never to see again.

He wiped a hand haphazardly over his face and tried to centre himself, while rubbing Christian's arm with his other. He was tempted to talk to Christian but felt a bit stupid doing so. Christian wasn't in a coma after all; he was sleeping off pain medication. Instead he did something more intimate and leaned down and kissed Christian's forehead, and then placed another on his temple before leaning his forehead against Christian's hair and closing his eyes.

He heard the curtain whip open again but for one of the first times ever, he didn't care that someone saw him being intimate with Christian and stayed still a few moments longer before opening his eyes and raising his head.

Jane walked around to Christian's other side again while Ian stood at the end of the bed with his hands in his pockets.

"He doesn't look too bad, then" Ian said, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet, looking the length of a 'typical' Ian Beale.

"I just can't stand seeing him like this," Jane said, rubbing Christian's arm.

"Getting used to it a little though, aren't we."

"Ian." Jane warned with a hiss.

"I'm just saying, love.... it's the second time in as many months he's landed himself in here. At least he's getting his money's worth out of the NHS."

"Ian!" Jane warned again, louder this time, and then regretting raising her voice so much. Ian just held his hands up in defeat while Syed stood awkwardly, not wanting to look at either of them. It had been his fault that Christian had been in the hospital in May and he hadn't even known. He hadn't seen Christian until he was out of hospital.

He remembered that night though, when Tam had told him what had happened. How he'd tried to keep his composure, tried to put his feelings for Christian aside and not care. But when he'd been alone he'd broken down with the guilt and the longing to be at Christian's side. He hated Qadim for what he'd done. As much as he would dearly love to have the tolerance that he strove for, that was spoken of in his holy book, he had trouble feeling it for Qadim. But he also felt a self-loathing for leaving Christian alone to face Qadim's wrath, and that had been a struggle to overcome.

With Christian's love, he had improved. They had spoken of those times and Christian was adamant that they had both said and done things that needed forgiving and both had done so, though neither had been entirely sure what they were forgiving the other for. But they had settled on wiping the slate clean and the phrase 'starting a new life together' had truly meant that - starting afresh.

"I'll just get a cup of tea while you wait here." Ian made a quick getaway and Jane and Syed stood in silence by the bed, on opposite sides of Christian, both standing in mirror image as they held onto what parts of Christian seemed healthy.

"Ian has a way of putting his foot in it," Jane ventured.

"It's okay," Syed answered. "There's no point in hiding from the past. We all know what happened back then."

"All Christian wanted was to see you."

Syed knew that, but he couldn't say much back to Jane and saying 'I know' would have sounded pathetic right now, so she continued, "I could have slapped you for leaving like you did; leaving him behind. He was in a right state."

"He told me he never wanted to see me again."

"Not until after you'd ignored him and he'd been attacked in his own home. He never meant it, and I'll bet even you realised that at the time. How many times did you know you were lying when you kept ending things with him?"

The question didn't need an answer, they both knew that it was 'every time' and Syed knew, in the back of his mind, that despite the crushing blow he'd felt when he'd seen Christian, face covered in stitches and bruises, angry and lashing out, that it had been an act. That Christian was in a dark place and didn't mean what he'd said. But it was a moment he'd clung onto during his first weeks of therapy, and he hoped that if Christian could hate him, if he could keep that look in Christian's eyes in his head, then he'd be able to move on, to accept it was over and do his best to 'de-gay' properly. And fast. The therapy may not have worked as Allen intended but it had put things into a new perspective. And being without Christian for two months had been the real eye-opener.

Syed took a deep breath and sighed, looking up at Jane. "Look, I may not have been there for him last time but I will be now. I've seen what being hurt does to him and I'm going to help him. Properly."

The curtain pulled back again and a nurse they hadn't seen before stood smiling at them. "He's going to Ward 4. You'll be able to see him tomorrow. If you'd like to say goodbye for tonight we'll get him taken up."

Jane leaned down and once more kissed Christian's head, and Syed laid a hand gently over Christian's heart and whispered that he would see him in the morning before they walked away, both unable to do so without a last look over their shoulders as the curtain closed on them, blocking their view once again.

Ian came back, sipping from a plastic cup.

"They're taking him up now."

"I just got this." Ian pointed at the cup.

"You can take it with you, you know."

Syed followed behind the couple as they bantered over the cost of a vending machine tea and how it wouldn't break the bank if Ian didn't actually drink it and he smiled. Part of him could only hope that after being with Christian for a few years they would have pointless arguments too.


	4. Chapter 4

Arriving back at Albert Square, Syed walked briskly round to their flat on Turpin Road, though as he walked past the Vic he did his best not to look. He didn't want to be reminded of what had happened earlier, not for himself, Christian or anyone else. It was still too raw. Hopefully in the morning light he'd be able to put some perspective on it, but not yet.

Turning the key in the lock on the street door he then headed up the steps before hesitating. Before opening the door into the flat he took a breath then opened it wide, but didn't dare walk in yet.

The first thing that hit him was that Christian wasn't there.

Okay, so he'd been living here for long enough that he'd been on his own plenty while Christian was out. But this was different. This would be the first night he'd spend alone without Christian since they'd been properly together and in the instant he realised that, an odd feeling of loss came over him.

He took his jacket off and pushed the door closed before placing it on the back of a chair. He wandered over to the bed and sat down, never taking his eyes from it as he moved. He then turned his head and grabbed the pillow Christian used and hugged it tight to his chest, breathing in the scent and then burying his nose in further to try and stop himself crying. Curling into himself he lay back on the bed, knees drawn up to his chest, and he let out a sob into the pillow.

His head was still pounding and now that he was home, now that he felt that slight relaxation at not having anything immediate to do, he had become acutely aware of the pain from where he'd bashed his head. He reached a hand round the pillow he was still clutching onto and touched his forehead, feeling the brittleness of dried blood mingled in his hair.

He really didn't care though. His focus was going to be on Christian until he was better, and home.

He lay for a good length of time, intermittently thinking he'd finished crying when all of a sudden it would start up again, but eventually he was just so drained, his eyes red, his stomach muscles aching from the sobbing, that he knew he had to pull himself together.

It was difficult.

After his mother had rescued him and his father had rescued Christian there had been moments in there of hope that he'd be able to reconcile all the people he loved together. But not long after, he'd thought about how Masood had looked at them again, and how Zainab had gone to help others rather than check the son she'd pulled from the fire was in fact okay. He'd been hit with the feeling that once again he was being shunned despite who he was to them, and seeing Christian taken away in an ambulance made him feel so alone.

Standing in that hospital, next to an unconscious Christian who looked deathly pale... in that instant he knew that without Christian he would be completely alone and it scared him. He didn't want to lose Christian; no matter what. He wouldn't be able to cope if Christian was taken away from him and it hadn't been something he'd thought about before at all. This feeling of mortality had hit home now, suddenly and frighteningly real.

That was why he was upset. That was why he was sobbing. It was a need for Christian that ran so deep.

He forced himself upright and, smelling on his clothing that same lingering scent of ash and smoke, he tore them from his body and headed for a shower.

*

He stood in the kitchen, clad only in underwear and Christian's big bathrobe, and stirred his tea over and over while staring into its depths with very little focus.

It was late. Or early. It was a time of day he should be in bed asleep, wrapped in Christian and the covers, but he couldn't sleep. He had tried but he'd just stared over at the window, hugging the pillows. He'd put the television on with the sound down low and the colours danced around the flat, brightening it up, as he watched a repeat of some drama with sign interpreters in the corner. 

A bag lay on the centre of the dining table, zip open, and beside it he'd begun to lay things aside to take to the hospital in the morning, and he also had a piece of paper and pen with a small shopping list on it. Christian's toothbrush was there, along with some deodorant and pyjamas. He'd also put aside a couple of books. He wasn't sure if Christian had finished with one of them and started the next in the pile... the fact that Christian didn't use bookmarks and instead memorised what page or chapter he'd last read had been an annoyance of his, but at least he didn't fold down the pages.

His list had 'magazines' written on it, but he wasn't sure what kind to get yet... probably some inane celebrity ones that were all the same information. Christian probably just needed something that would be an easy read while on pain killers. And he also wanted to get him some orange squash and some chocolate bars or energy bars or something. He had a feeling Christian would be the type to complain about hospital food.

He'd moved aimlessly around the flat, opening drawers and cupboards, wracking his brain for what to take to the hospital with him - what would Christian need? What would be provided? How long would he be there for... should he take him underwear? He just had no idea and instead the pile was probably larger than necessary, but he'd rather take too much than forget something.

*

By mid-morning he'd still had little sleep even though he'd drifted off in front of the television out of sheer exhaustion sometime close to five o'clock, when it was already quite light outside, and his head was really no better by ten. He'd popped a few more pills and forced some toast and tea into himself before calling the hospital.

He put the phone down with a thump when he was informed that visiting hours weren't until two o'clock and, according to whoever it was he spoke too, he had no chance of getting in any sooner.

Pulling his coat on he went to the Minute Mart to grab some things for Christian and was met by Denise's sympathetic face. He gave a tight smile to her as he went around grabbing bits and pieces, triple checking his list as well as checking every shelf anyway just in case he'd forgotten about something that Christian would like.

"How is he?" Denise asked when he went to check out.

"They're keeping him in but he'll be fine."

"That's good to hear. Brave thing he did, last night. Not many would."

"I know." Syed watched as she rung up each item.

"I was going to check in with Jane later, make sure she was okay. Can't be easy for her seeing him in there again."

Syed cleared his throat, deciding to gloss over yet another veiled comment about when Qadim had beaten him. "He's got people to look after him. People who love him."

"Of course."

Syed got out quickly and back into the shelter of their flat again. Even without Christian there that morning it felt like the safe haven it always was for both of them. For Syed, when he’d hidden from his mother or Amira and forgotten anything existed outside those four walls. For Christian, after he'd been beaten by that gay-bashing bigot and he'd refused to go outside. And the happy haven it had been lately while they planned and lived a life together.

He phoned Jane with the visiting hours and she said she'd go to the evening one if Syed could go in the afternoon. Only because the cafe was short handed and the fish and chip shop needed a fresh order sorted out, and she and Ian were both running around after all sorts of things with Ian being his usual self about the work. As it was, they'd compromised that she'd get to one of the times that day and really, that was as good as she'd get.

If he was being honest, he was much happier going to see Christian first on his own anyway. His possessive streak came to the fore at times like these and he just wanted to go see Christian and spend that hour with him and they'd be able to focus all their attention on each other. And he'd see for himself how Christian was healing.

He left early, bag in hand. He'd make sure he was there in plenty of time so as not to miss a single second of that visiting time.


	5. Chapter 5

Waking up, he was painfully aware of the throb in his head and a dull ache throughout his body like he'd been through a meat grinder. Christian groaned as he opened his eyes and turned his head around to see where he was. By the state of the clinical walls and drab ceiling - not to mention the hideous curtains pulled halfway around where he was lying - he thought it was safe to assume he was in hospital.

It wasn't very light outside from what he could tell and the ward he assumed he was on seemed quiet. He lay for a good few minutes just trying to get his mind to un-fog and, as he started to worry about what had happened, he wanted to get up and find someone who would tell him something.

He began pulling wires and tubing from his hands and lifted the oxygen wire from around his head but before he could swing his legs over the side of the bed he had two people rushing over to him and stopping him from doing anything more.

"Try and keep still, Mr Clarke, we don't want you to rip your stitches."

"What?" Christian had become dizzy when he'd tried to sit up and it took him a moment to gather himself.

"Too late for that," a male nurse said.

Christian looked up at him and saw him gesture to the female nurse to look at Christian's side where they could see spots of blood again.

He was eased back to the bed and both nurses kept him calm. Once he was filled in on his own situation, as well doing his best to learn if anyone else had been hurt in the fire (or how Syed was), he began to feel more relieved. Apparently only he and a young girl with a baby were brought into hospital for treatment. That could only mean Stacey was around somewhere with Lily. He hoped the little girl was okay and that Ryan got to her in time.

At least when they were fixing his stitches he was able to concentrate all the pain and aches into one part of his body, but it wasn't a pretty sight when he looked down and saw the state of himself. The big gash made him look like a cross between a section of Frankenstein's Monster sewn up as he was, and some sort of watercolour painting.

It was fascinating and disgusting at the same time and although he had tentatively touched at his skin when he could, he really wanted to leave it alone and hide it under clothing and blankets. And he really hoped it wouldn't leave a scar.

 

*

 

The morning passed slowly. He had very little to do and the only distraction was when the Doctor was on his rounds and then once again when they asked him to fill out the lunch menu, all of which seemed faintly unappetizing. The other 2 people in the room with him seemed like accident victims of some sort... one of them had been unconscious all morning and the other, with a leg wrapped in plaster and something else across his chest, seemed quite content to read his book. One other bed was empty. Christian was so bored he'd even be happy to break the monotony by gawking at someone else being brought in but it seemed Walford was accident free this morning.

After picking at his lunch and staring out of a window for some more time he perked up when a shadow came to rest across him. Turning his head, there was his Syed smiling at him.

"Sy." Christian said, grinning wide.

"You're looking better." Syed put a bag down beside the bed and pulled a chair across and closer, before sitting and reaching to grab hold of Christian's hand tightly.

"Doctor says I shouldn't be in long. They'll be able to release me into your capable hands," Christian cheekily leered at his boyfriend.

"That's good to hear. Though I don't think they'll allow any strenuous activity for a while."

"Party pooper."

They grinned at each other for a few peaceful, comfortable, quiet moments.

Syed rubbed his hands across his jean-clad thighs. "I brought you some things. Don't know what you really need. Probably brought too much but..." he trailed off.

"All I need is you here and I'm fine." Christian kept hold of Syed's hand, meaning Sy couldn't lean down for the bag properly.

"Yes, but visiting hours only cover 2 out of 24... you'll need something to do when I'm not here."

"We could just smuggle you under the covers, they'd never know." Syed looked around himself as if slightly uncomfortable, so Christian thought he'd best reign in the conversation slightly. "So what did you bring me?"

"Books, magazines, clothing, food, drink... how are you really?" He was serious again, Christian could see it in the way Syed narrowed his eyes.

"I'll be okay. I'm sorry for... well, everything, from last night."

"You know I was really angry when I saw you go in that window, but you did the right thing." Syed's voice was comforting.

Christian knew it was difficult in that situation, they both must have felt it. The desire to just hide away, knowing you were safe yourself as were your loved ones was strong. To then throw that into doubt by trying to do something to help may have seemed brave to most and may have been what everyone would consider the right thing to do... but selfish motivations are hard to put aside. And they both had them right now. They had been used to their own bubble recently. This felt like one hell of a shock to break them out of it.

"Right thing be damned. I'm not doing that again in a hurry."

"Are you saying if you could do it all again you wouldn't?"

"Yes."

"Liar." Syed rolled his eyes before smiling at Christian again. He leaned forward and Christian could smell a faint air of familiar body wash on Sy. "What you did last night, made me love you even more. And I didn't know that was possible."

Christian struggled to lean up slightly but didn't make it far before stopping with a slight grimace. Putting on a pantomime whisper he said, "You're getting cheesy."

"You love it."

Syed leaned in, letting Christian rest his head against the pillow again as they kissed quickly.

 

*

 

Being able to spend that time with Syed had gone far too quickly. It made Christian aware of just how dependent they'd become on each other. They'd needed it, certainly, after the year they'd had... even just after the spring they'd had, and it had felt wonderful to be so close to each other. But he hadn't noticed how close they were.

He lay there on the bed, magazine in hand, smiling still at having seen Syed. He felt like a love sick teenager sometimes when he was walking down the street holding Sy's hand, but the regression was worth it. He loved every second he was with Syed and now that he could have 24 hours of him each day without having to hide anything, it was a struggle not to do the opposite and shout his love from the top of the world. But for Syed's newly outed sake, he kept a lid on things... except in the privacy of their own home. Their own bubble.

When dinner came around he was very glad of his gorgeous boyfriend's thoughtfulness and initiative and when he looked at the tray he immediately knew he'd be having a dinner of nutri-grains and tracker bars. He picked up an item from the tray between two fingers and a look mixed with horror and disgust crossed his face as he told the nurse, "I'm not sure what to make of this."

He took the needle from his hand and put it back on the tray. "Everyone gets one, Mr Clarke, because you're inactive."

"Well, I'm certainly not that."

"You have been today." He scolded, "And will be tomorrow. This injection is to make sure you don't get deep vein thrombosis and the likes."

"Why is it with dinner?"

"You'll be getting it after you've eaten."

The nurse walked off to deliver more trays and Christian just batted it to the edge of the tray as he took in the dry looking chicken and crunchy vegetables and longed for some of Sy's home cooking. He'd even take the messy aftermath right now.

As the dinner trays were collected each patient was being injected and Christian couldn't see properly what was happening as curtains were being closed each time.

The same nurse he'd been dealing with all day, Daniel, was back and after giving them privacy he pulled down the covers.

"Where on Earth are you planning on sticking it?"

"It goes in your stomach."

"I'm already a pin cushion there!"

The nurse looked at him, half exasperated and half sympathetic. "It's just a little prick."

"You use that one every chance you get don't you," Christian said with narrowed eyes and a hint of sarcasm.

"The old ones are the best."

It wasn't long before the next visiting hour so Christian was still munching on a chocolate chip bar when Jane walked in.

"Hey, Sis."

"You look perkier than last night."

"From the sounds of it, that wouldn't be too difficult. Ian let you out then, did he?"

"Syed told you why I wasn't here this afternoon then?"

"He did."

"Well, I'm here now," Jane laid her hand on Christian's forehead and temple, almost as if checking for his temperature. "What are the doctors saying?"

Christian didn't have too long to fill Jane in before Syed arrived. He kissed Christian's cheek in hello and then offered to get Jane a cup of tea from the vending machine round the corner to give them a little longer to chat before he joined them properly. Once he was out of the door Jane turned back to Christian.

"You should have seen him last night. Surprised he's not bald today from tearing his hair out."

"I'd have done the same."

"He really loves you."

"I know." Christian looked at her sideways, "Jealous?"

Jane rubbed up Christian's arm. "No! ... Well, maybe just a little." They laughed and she cleared her throat. "Only, you know, you and him... young love, and all that."

"What are you two laughing about?" Syed asked as he returned with hot tea for all and handed the plastic cups around.

"Jane said you'd look good bald."

"I said nothing of the sort!"

"Bald?" Syed looked at Jane incredulously, and then touched his hair gingerly.

"Don't worry, babe. Your hair is fine and staying just as it is."

"That's good to hear."

The three of them sat talking for a good while until Jane looked at the clock and saw there were only about ten minutes left of them being allowed in there.

"I think I'll head down and organise a taxi back to the Square. It'll give you two a chance to say good night. Syed, I'll see you outside shortly?"

Syed nodded and Christian said good night to Jane before turning to Syed. "I don't want you going home without me."

"I don't want to leave you here."

They held hands. Syed glanced briefly back out to where Jane was leaving. "What did Jane tell you about last night?"

"Just that you were worried."

"She didn't tell you about... what I said?"

"I don't think so." Christian was confused now. "Are you going to fill me in?"

"I... um, " Syed looked at their joined hands then up at Christian, "I told them I was your fiancé so they'd release your information."

Christian raised his eyebrows. "Did it work?"

"No. Still didn't make me related to you."

"I'm sorry you had to go through all that." Christian voice had softened as he took in Syed's sad face. Though Sy wasn't looking at him, and seemed fascinated by their joined hands.

With a deep breath, Syed, confidence showing, lifted his eyes and met Christian's dead on. "Marry me."


	6. Chapter 6

"What?"

Christian was stunned.

Syed's words were ones that, deep down, he longed to hear but something about them wasn't right, and it wasn't just the fact he was proposing to him in the middle of a hospital.

"Marry me." Syed leaned forward and kept a tight hold on Christian's hand, the back of his fingers brushing over Christian's skin.

"Where did this come from?"

"Think about it. We love each other, we know we're going to spend our lives together... why not get the benefits of being a married couple?"

"Benefits? Like what?" Christian narrowed his eyes.

"I don't know, like being next of kin, having different rights under the law..."

"So that's what this is about." Christian used his free hand to rub his forehead. "Jane said you were freaking out last night."

"I wasn't freaking out. I was... concerned."

"And this is how you deal with it, is it? This is typical of you, Sy. You see a problem and you leap to the first thing you think will solve it without thinking it through."

"No, I..."

"It's not exactly the first time you've proposed impulsively is it?" Christian had cut off Syed too quickly and rushed straight ahead without thinking his words through, and now it had gone quiet around them. He didn't think they'd drawn an audience; in fact they hadn't as their conversation had been kept at an even tone, but the weight of Syed's silence hung over him. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

"No, you did."

"Look, I just... to get married to you would be amazing." Syed met Christian's eyes finally, and to Christian it seemed like they hid a veiled hope but he just couldn't tell if that was relief that Christian was saying no or if Syed was still holding on for Christian to say yes. "But not like this. Not here. And not this impulsively."

Syed nodded and looked at their joined hands before letting go of Christian's, leaving him missing the warmth. This was the first time in a long time that he couldn't read what Syed was thinking and he didn't like it. He'd got so used to seeing everything clearly in his boyfriend's eyes and they'd even been incredibly cute and cheesy at times with the finishing of each others' sentences, but right now the silence hung once again and even his head went blank over what to say next.

"Jane's waiting. I should go."

"Syed, please..."

"I'll see you tomorrow afternoon, yeah?" Syed stood, making a show of checking his pockets and looking around to make sure he had everything. "Hopefully we'll get you out of here and I won't have to worry that you'll run off with a hot male nurse."

The joke fell flat. Normally Christian laughed at Syed's bad jokes but he could barely muster a smile right now as his stomach sank, and he hoped he hadn't done or said something in the last few minutes that could wreck what they had been building these last few months.

Syed smiled as he left but it didn't reach his eyes, and once Christian could no longer see him he turned away and backed into the wall, took a deep breath, sighed loudly and banged a balled up fist against his forehead in frustration. "Stupid..." he began and trailed off...

*

By the time the staff had settled the ward for the night and it was dark in the room, Christian was still lying awake with his head to the side, staring at a window he could barely see out of. He'd been replaying the night in his head and wondering if he'd said the right things or not. Hindsight was certainly 20/20 and he couldn't help but wonder what he'd be feeling like right now if he'd said 'yes' to Syed.

Would he still be awake but lying here with a permanent grin plastered on his face instead?

He didn't like it when he and Syed fought. Or argued. Or tiffed. Or whatever you want to call it. It left him with knots in his stomach and he had enough physical ones there right now that he didn't need to add to.

He'd been planning to get married just a few years ago but that had been different. He didn't even love the guy, not really. Even knowing now exactly what it felt like to be with the person he loved, he knew back then that Ashley wasn't that person. And neither was David. So the thought of having a civil partnership with Syed truly filled him with happiness - but it had to be right. They both had to know exactly what they were getting into if they did go for it. And preferably they'd have some family blessing and right now he wasn't actually sure either family would think it was a terribly great idea. Obviously, Syed's mother and father took pride of place in the 'hating the idea' stakes, but his mum and dad hadn't even met Syed yet, and Jane would probably try and be the voice of reason and point out that they'd barely been living together for 2 months, and tell them to give it more time...

He sighed.

He needed to pee.

He could call a nurse to help but he'd risk being 'That Guy' who then wakes up everyone around him.

He'd needed help all day when walking the 10 paces to the door of the bathroom and only on the second trip had they allowed him to go in on his own. But he could do it. He wasn't an invalid, not like that. He wasn't an old man and he wasn't in plaster, nor had he been weakened by a terrible disease.

He could walk it fine.

Mindful of the drip that fed into the back of his hand he slowly raised himself up on the bed. Luckily he was less attached than he had been this morning so there were no tubes to worry about taking out first. He carefully eased himself around so that he was in a sitting position and then took a second before slowly lowering himself so that he was standing.

Walking with small steps and dragging the drip with him he made his way over, opening the door and turning the light on. He was careful and checked around himself that the light didn't wake anyone but then, it wasn't ever truly dark in a hospital so he was perfectly safe as he walked into the cubicle.

After relieving himself he turned on the tap to wash his hands and it sprayed all over the place as it came on too strong. It gave him a jolt which sent a shudder through him, making him wince and put his hand to his side. Drying his hands and being careful of the needle in the back of his hand he then turned around to make sure he still had his dignity despite the hospital gown. And that's when it happened.

As if in slow motion he felt his feet go out from underneath him and with an almighty thump he landed on the tiled flooring beneath him, pain ripping through his stomach as his head hit the ground. One of his last thoughts as the lights danced in front of his eyes was that his hand no longer had a drip in it... the plastic bag was now lying close to his head, with the wheel-y stand lying next to him.

"Sy..." he pleaded, as the world went black.


	7. Chapter 7

"What do you mean, there was an accident?"

Syed had been shocked to arrive at the hospital the following day only to be faced with an empty bed where Christian was supposed to be. He'd gone straight to the nurses' station to ask, where he was met by Daniel, the male nurse he already didn't like, telling him Christian had to be taken to have an x-ray and there had been a delay.

"When I left here last night he was fine! They said he'd be going home today!"

"I'm sorry, Mr Masood, but Christian fell in the night. It's caused a setback to his recovery; the doctor will be able to tell you more."

Syed rubbed his head. Only Christian could have an accident while in the hospital; and now here was Syed sitting by the empty hospital bed staring out of the window Christian would have been looking out of lately, and leaning his head on his hand, willing Christian to arrive back so he could find out what had happened.

It took forever, or at least it seemed to as the minutes ticked by on the clock on the wall, and Syed was beginning to worry that he'd miss the entire visiting hour. Christian was wheeled back into the room in a wheelchair and Syed was immediately on his feet.

"Christian!" The name erupted from him without any thought.

"Hey, babe." Christian answered, putting on what sounded like a happy front, which worried Syed that Christian might be trying too hard to seem okay.

The curtain was drawn part way round the bed for privacy from other patients as Christian was helped back onto the bed - clearly with all involved very conscious of his wound - and he lowered his head to the pillow with a sigh. Syed asked them to leave the curtain pulled closed a little and they left it alone with a nod when leaving.

Syed immediately went to stand right up close to Christian and, cupping his boyfriend's face in his hands, he leaned down and kissed him. It was mostly out of relief that he then continued to rain light kisses down on Christian's lips and cheek.

"Hey, hey..." Christian was able to get out as he reached a free hand of his own to Syed's neck.

In response, Syed took a deep breath and as he slumped into the chair beside him, one of his hands trailed back only so far as Christian's chest while the other was slung behind Christian's head on the pillow. Syed tucked his head into Christian's shoulder, closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, reminding himself of how Christian smelled, even if his scent was mixed with the sterility of a hospital gown. He just wanted to savour the moment of seeing Christian after another lonely night at home and the worry of him being hurt. Again.

He felt Christian's lips on his hair as he lay there. "You're going to give me a heart attack," he said with a muffled voice.

"Well, you're in the right place for it."

With reluctance Syed lifted his head. "What happened?"

Christian screwed up his face and turned his head away. "It's embarrassing."

"What. Happened." Syed pulled Christian's chin back round with his fingers and looked sternly at him, knowing full well that his boyfriend would crumble and tell him all when faced with this particular look.

"... I fell when I was in the toilet, okay?" Christian's cheeks began to redden as he admitted to what had happened. Serious though it was for him to have hurt himself again, Syed still had to double take when Christian mentioned where it had happened.

"In the toilet?"

"In the bathroom." Clarification wasn't needed but Christian kept his voice down as he repeated the story.

"I slipped. I fell. And so everything broke again," Christian gestured to his stomach, "And my head took a wallop and they wanted to check I hadn't broken my wrist... which I haven't! Just got a concussion and even more stitches, that's all."

Syed's worried look had given him away. He stayed silent, his hand lightly rubbing over Christian's chest and his other lightly stroking his hair. He leaned forward and rested his head on Christian's shoulder and Christian folded his arm up so he could run his fingers into Syed's hair. They were able to stay quite content for a few moments.

Syed contemplated bringing up their conversation from the night before but was too scared to do so now, as he really didn't want to argue with Christian about things again - even though he felt that he could prove a point somewhere right now about things being easier if they were married. He'd had to rely on Christian telling him everything this time after all, as people around here were still reluctant to enlighten him.

He was aware of the practicalities of what he'd offered the night before and he stood by them. But now he was worried that that was all Christian had seen and he understood why that kind of 'proposal' was the least romantic way of doing it, and was probably why he'd been turned down.

He'd gone home and, though angry at first, had come to terms with it and he was convinced he now understood what had happened and that Christian hadn't meant things quite as they had come out when he'd mentioned the proposal to Amira. But they could talk about it all later.

He lifted his head. "Right, then. Ground rules are going to have to be made since I doubt you're properly listening to the doctors."

"Yes I am!" Christian argued with a pout.

"Clearly not after last night. So rule number one, if you need help you ask for it. You've done your hero bit already this week, there's no need to try and be the big man and manage everything yourself."

"Fine." Christian sighed. As put out as he was acting, Syed knew he'd do as he was being told. Christian had always liked it when Syed had laid down the law in the past. Well... in bed. But it seemed like something he could translate into this situation too.

"Rule number two, I want you home as soon as possible so before you do anything I want you to consider if there's any possibility of having a set back... and if there is, then don't do it."

"I think before I act!"

"You keep telling yourself that." Syed ignored Christian's frown and continued straight on. "And rule number three... no flirting with the male nurses."

"I don't!" Christian said, as Syed frowned in response. "Not on purpose..."

"Is that why that nurse is always checking on you? Every time I've been here he's been smiling at you."

"Careful, Sy, your jealous streak is showing again."

"I love you. I'm not sure everyone understands that that means hands off."

"Works both ways you know."

"But I'm not an incorrigible flirt who attracts all sorts into thinking they have a chance."

"Oh, yeah?" Christian narrowed his eyes at Syed. "What about the guy on reception at the gym?"

"What about him?" Syed answered innocently, knowing full well that the poor man had shown some interest in him.

"He thinks you hang around to talk to him. Not me."

"I do more than just talk to you." Syed flashed a grin at Christian and they both began to laugh, only for Christian to put a hand to his side.

"Don't make me laugh, it hurts," he moaned, as he stopped giggling.

*

Between visiting times Syed decided it would be best to get some shopping done. For once he decided to fore-go his usual trip to the Minute Mart and branched out by stopping in at Sainsbury's on the way home from the hospital. Now that Christian would be in slightly longer, it had thrown out his plans of what to stock up on, but he should be home in a few days so there was no reason he couldn't still do a big shop.

As he reached Turpin Road with carrier bags in his hand he was greeted by a surprisingly shy Stacey Slater.

"How is he?" She asked, for some reason unable to meet Syed's eyes.

"Not brilliant, but he'll be okay."

"I uh... I'm sorry. For everything."

"It's not your fault. The fire came out of nowhere; none of us could have known it would happen. And Christian... and Ryan... they did what they thought was best."

"I don't want Christian to think I'm not grateful. I just had to take care of Lily first. Get her checked out at hospital."

"Listen, he'll be home in a few days at the latest, maybe you can come round then and see him. I'm sure he'd like the company."

"Yeah, I'd like that," Stacey perked up, before pointing back over her shoulder. "Look, I've got to get back to the stall. I'll speak to you later."

As Stacey walked away he saw some other familiar faces nearby - his mum and dad. His smile left his face pretty quickly as he noticed how they tried not to look at him. After everything they'd been through in the last few days, still they carried on as if nothing had changed. He was tempted to try and talk to them but he had resigned himself to the pointlessness of doing anything and as his shoulders slumped, defeated, he turned the key in the door and went into his home.

*

Returning home after the evening visiting hour he was beginning to feel like he did after traveling to mosque. Just the journey was beginning to take its toll on him, going there twice a day, and it was a good half hour walk - but his Oyster card took enough of a beating getting to mosque and he could use the exercise anyway - but tonight he'd walked home in the rain and now he just wanted to collapse in bed.

He took a shower to warm up after the cold of the autumn night had seeped into him. He glanced at the bed when he came back out and was saddened by the thought that there was still no one there to curl up with.

He'd been thinking a lot lately about how much he loved Christian and their future together. Obviously he saw a long one. He'd never have turned his back on his parents for something trivial or akin to a teenage crush. Yes, they'd lied to their families for a long time about seeing each other and that was no foundation for a lasting relationship... but from that first kiss, to his realisation that it wasn't just about fulfilling a desire to have sex with a man but it was love, true love, and right up to the disaster that was his therapy... he knew that if he had to choose, if he had to sacrifice something, then he was done with having that sacrifice be living without Christian.

He'd fallen in love when Christian had been 'gay bashed'. He'd realised after Qadim beat Christian that he was the only one for him. It was why he had gone to seek out help, and tried to turn off his feelings after Christian had told him he never wanted to see him again - he didn't want to feel them if he thought he wouldn't have them returned.

If he kept to the trend, he thought wryly, then surely there was a realisation to be had for Christian winding up injured this time.

He picked up the pile of paper from the coffee table. Papers Christian had no idea about.

Divorce papers - signed in two places.


	8. Chapter 8

'Going home'. It felt good to hear the doctors say that.

Having been in hospital for a few days he'd gone beyond 'What happened? What's wrong with me?' and worry to just sheer boredom of lying in a bed or sitting in a chair all day. And seeing Syed for only a couple of hours each day had been killing him too - they were too used to living in each others' pockets.

He'd been able to get dressed by himself but he had been warned by the nurses that it would take time to get everything sorted before he'd be discharged properly. It seemed very typical of the NHS and the culture of health and safety and paperwork, so he'd been sitting reading for most of the morning, watching the time tick by ever so slowly. He'd picked at the lunch they'd provided but he knew he'd be able to get some decent food once they let him out. He'd probably drag Syed to the Minute Mart on the way home.

Syed arrived a little bit early as Christian had asked a nurse to call him and let him know what was happening. When he got there, Christian's bag was on the bed and he was perched on the end of it and talking to the doctor, who was handing him the tablets he'd be able to take for the pain - as well as giving him instructions he wasn't best pleased about.

He wouldn't be able to return to work for another week and even then, he'd have to determine some way to train people without taking part, or even demonstrating properly for them what he wanted them to do; as he had to be careful about the way it would stretch his abdomen.

Syed smiled to the doctor in passing and rocked on the balls of his feet as he asked Christian, "Well?"

"He's off to sign things and then I'm out of here."

"So you don't want to take this opportunity to fall down or anything?"

"Cheeky." Christian smiled. "It's going to feel so good to get home." He sighed as he rolled his neck to stretch out the kinks.

"I've got a taxi ordered. And Jane said she'd come round after dinner tonight to see you."

Christian frowned. "Does she have to? I can't be bothered seeing people tonight. I just wanted it to be the two of us." He reached out and took Syed's hand.

"She's your sister, play nice."

*

Arriving back home, the taxi pulled up outside the chippy and Christian gingerly climbed out. It would be obvious to all who saw him that he wasn't his usual spritely self, and Syed came round to his side of the taxi to check he was okay.

Christian slung an arm over Syed's shoulder, and Syed wrapped an arm around Christian's waist.

Once the taxi drove off and they were standing at their blue door, Christian pulled back a little. "Why don't you dump the bag inside and we can go for a walk."

"A walk? You should be resting."

"I just want to get some fresh air. I've been cooped up in that place for days and now I'll just be cooped up at home."

Syed looked at Christian through his lashes. "I thought you liked being cooped up at home."

Christian just gave a wide, flirtatious grin in response and took Syed's hand in his. "Just a quick trip to the Minute Mart for some junk food and then back home, that's all."

"Fine, just give me a minute and I'll be right back." Syed opened the door and ran up the stairs to throw the bag inside their flat.

Christian turned around and walked the few steps back out to the road. His hand automatically hovered over his stitches in a loose form of protection as he looked up and down the busy street. A few people walked past who he knew from market stalls and such. Bianca shouted a quick "Alright?" from down the road. Then Winston appeared nearby and said, "Congratulations, mate!" before lightly touching Christian's shoulder and shaking his hand before walking off.

Christian just stood, bemused by it. Why would someone congratulate you for getting out of the hospital? Maybe Winston was just a law unto himself.

Once Syed reappeared they slowly walked around to the Mart and after grabbing one of almost every chocolate bar he liked, with Syed looking over his shoulder and telling him they already had plenty of crisps or nuts, cake or ice cream in the house, he relented and took his basket over to the counter where he was greeted by a cheery Denise.

"Jane said you were getting out today. Must feel good to be back home. Bet you missed your man."

"I always miss Sy when we're not together." Syed approached him from behind, smiled when he heard the last bit and put his arm lightly behind Christian's, and Christian could feel it hooked in his waistband.

"Aw. You two really are great together, I'm so happy everything is falling into place for you both. You should've seen Jane's face when she was talking about everything."

"Talking about us?" Christian asked.

"She seemed so proud. It was good to see her like that."

Christian's eyes widened a little. He was surprised that Jane would be talking to other people about them, simply because he'd had the impression that Jane was pretty indifferent about it all. Though maybe that wasn't fair. She was certainly happy that Christian was in love and happy in his life, but she found it so awkward to work with Masood and Zainab these days that there was still that lingering tension between them as well. She was always the sensible one, she followed her head rather than her heart, and it was the one thing that the two of them were opposites on. If it had been her in a similar situation she would have put a halt to the affair very fast. She more or less did with Grant Mitchell... as far as he was aware, anyway. And now with Ian, well... she may love him, and he supported that... but Ian being a complete numpty always made Christian think she had 'settled' for him in the end. Followed her head for a secure relationship, but in the end it likely lacked the fire and passion that he had with Syed.

So for her to have been talking about him and Syed to her mates seemed a little odd. Though Denise probably just meant Jane was proud of what Christian had done in the fire and Syed was some by-product of that. It made the most sense.

He thanked Denise and - after paying - took Syed's arm and, after hearing what he thought was some quiet high-pitched noise from Denise behind him, he walked out with his boyfriend to go home.


	9. Chapter 9

As the buzzer for the door went, Christian stood from the table where he was sitting nursing a cup of tea and, with barely a wince (he was getting used to it all), he picked up the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Christian, hello! It's Jean Slater! Mind if we come up and see you?" The cheery voice made Christian pull the handset from his ear at first to get used to it. Jean must have been standing far too close to the microphone part.

He hit the button to let them up, opened the door at the top of the stairs and waited. He could hear two people coming up with now hushed voices and once Jean saw him she threw her arms around him, causing him to stumble back a step into the flat.

"Mum!" Stacey exclaimed, "Careful!"

Jean pulled back fast and her hands shot to cover her mouth in worry. "Oh I'm sorry, Christian, are you hurt? Should you be standing?"

The mother-hen routine began in earnest with Christian holding himself back from showing anything on his face, despite the fact that her hand had now twice skirted over his stitches.

"I'm fine, Jean, or I will be."

"Oh, Christian." Jean's face melted. "What you did for my daughter... I just... there are no words, really..." She turned to Stacey, who was holding a wrapped box.

"It's not much but I'm not sure what you're supposed to get for the man who saved your life." Stacey shrugged in an almost shy way. In fact, he'd barely ever known her to be so coy, and at this moment she seemed a lot more like her mother than like the rest of the Slater clan.

Christian smiled and accepted the gift. He opened it straight away, balancing it on the back of the sofa, and when he lifted the lid on the box he immediately recognised the contents.

"This is... this is Bradley's." He looked up at Stacey. He certainly wasn't ungrateful, he knew what this t-shirt meant, as the fire in the cafe had been something he'd felt so very guilty about himself. He'd been proud of Bradley when everyone had gifted him the 'local hero' t-shirt.

Stacey nodded. "I'll be honest, I didn't know what you might think of me giving you a cruddy second-hand t-shirt, but it means a lot to me, and it meant a lot to Bradley. It felt like something that should be passed on, you know?"

"Are you sure?"

"Bradley would want you to have it, after what you did for us."

Christian reached out and pulled Stacey into a hug. Jean made an 'awww' sound and then threw her arms around the two of them as well, which made them all giggle before Christian pulled back and perched on the top of the sofa.

"How's Lily?"

"She's fine. The doctors checked on her but she's okay."

"Where's Syed?" Jean asked suddenly, looking around the flat. "I thought he'd be here, taking care of you? Feeding you chicken soup! Unless you don't like chicken soup... maybe he could make you tomato, or maybe there's something Asian he could make you. Does chicken noodle count? It has noodles in it... maybe it's some sort of hybrid..."

"He's just popped out to go see Jane for me," Christian interrupted. "He'll be back in a bit."

"That's good. You shouldn't be on your own while you're recovering."

"Trust me, I'm not. He's been keeping a faithful eye on me; won't let me do anything for myself." Christian smiled and Jean turned to Stacey.

"We should let Christian rest."

"I left Lily with Nan, and it's never a good idea to leave them alone for long together or Nan'll try to use her as part of a con," Stacey joked.

Christian put his arm around Stacey as they moved towards the door, and as he opened it he could hear the key turning in the lock downstairs.

As Jean and Stacey left, Syed bounded up the steps past them and gave Christian a questioning look. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, fine." Christian waved down at the two ladies as they left the building and moved aside for Syed to get back into the flat. "Was Jane okay with everything?"

"Not really, actually. I think she felt a bit snubbed."

"I'll make it up to her later." He hugged Syed close to him again. "I just want tonight to be relaxing and for just the two of us."

*

Christian lay on the sofa with Syed between his bad side and the cushions. Because of that he could sense Syed tense every so often, whenever one of them moved. They were lying down watching television but only half of Christian's concentration was on the screen; the other half was on the hand currently tracing lazy circles on Syed's chest.

Christian was topless as he lay there, he'd used the excuse earlier on that if he just kept his top off then he wouldn't have to worry about pulling things on and off and getting hurt again. It had worked too, even if Syed had been suspicious of his true intentions. Especially as since they'd been lying there, Christian had managed to undo all but the bottom two of Syed's buttons on his shirt.

According to medical professionals he shouldn't be getting active for another week and they had said that sex was included in that but he would be damned if he wasn't going to enjoy himself tonight with his boyfriend. It wasn't that their relationship was based on the physical aspect – that side of it was healthy, but it wasn't based purely on that. They complimented each other so well in many different ways and, contrary to popular belief, didn't spend every waking moment in bed together nor did they do 'disgusting things in public toilets'. But tonight he really wanted to be close to Sy, mostly just so they could both let off some pent up energy that had remained inside them since the night of the fire.

He lifted his hand to stroke down Sy's arm as his hand halted on Christian's chest. He then turned entirely away from the television and kissed the top of Syed's head, taking in the scent of the shampoo he knew so well and now associated with him.

"You smell good." He said quietly.

"You always say that," Syed lazily answered.

"Because you always smell good." Christian could feel Syed smile against him where he was resting his head. "Come here." He lifted Syed's chin and then captured his lips in a lazy kiss that he could feel Syed moan into, and he couldn't help but smirk at getting such a response. Soon enough that was forgotten though, as they both fell into the kisses as their tongues met and Syed's invaded Christian's mouth.

Christian's hand grasped into the back of Syed's hair and pulled him in close, while with his other hand he tried to pull Syed on top of him more, forgetting and not caring about his injury. He just wanted to pull Syed closer so that their entire bodies could touch everywhere.

Syed threw his leg over Christian's hip and pulled himself so that he was more on top of him, before releasing Christian's lips to follow a trail down his chin and into his neck, nipping and sucking along and down onto Christian's chest. He led the way with a hand, rubbing up and over Christian before he allowed his lips and tongue to follow on, and Christian threw his head back and took deep breaths to try and control himself.

Syed lifted his head as Christian let out a deep, guttural moan. Through his own heavy breathing he whispered, "You okay?"

"Perfect." Christian breathed back as he gazed into Syed's eyes and smiled.

Syed responded in kind and as their lips met again, hands began to fumble with buttons and zips in a desperate need to get to more skin.

*

The blinds were still open. Neither man had thought it worthwhile to get out of bed for the 5 seconds it would take to go and close them, so instead they both lay entwined and let the low lighting from the street lamps outside warm their surroundings.

Syed had been careful with Christian, he had held back a few times but in the end, both had let go without even thinking about anything but each other and the emotional connection they made. Sy's fingers traced over the stitches and the warmth of the gentle touch spread through Christian.

"I love you." Christian declared into the silence that hung around them.

"I love you." Syed returned, and as he hugged closer into Christian so tightly, he felt as if he never wanted to let go.


	10. Chapter 10

"...So she just left! I don't know what I'm going to do without her."

"You'll be fine. You've got Ronnie, and Amy, and... and your mum's around too."

"Auntie Peggy always knew what to do though."

"You could always give her a phone, you know. She left Walford, she didn't die," Christian said as he leaned back in the chair while Roxy played with the tissue she had in her hand.

"I suppose."

They'd been avoiding talking about the fire itself. Christian didn't want to bring up something that would actually be quite painful for his best friend, as she lost part of the family business with it all going up in smoke. And Roxy had taken it hard that night - according to onlookers she had desperately called for help as she thought Peggy wouldn't make it out alive.

It seemed that family drama had taken over her life these past few days and Christian didn't mind at all. Not when he considered what that family had gone through as a result of the fire. Sure, he and Roxy were best friends, but he was more than willing to overlook the fact that now was the first opportunity Roxy had had to come see him, and he didn't want her to fuss over him – he'd had enough of that from everyone else around him.

Besides, apart from worrying about how she might be doing, he hadn't given her too much thought over the last few days either, he thought, guiltily. Maybe they were beginning to drift apart a little now that he was settling down more.

Roxy wiped her eyes with the end of the tissue. "Listen though; I know I've been a terrible mate the last few days but how come you didn't text me the news when you got out of hospital?"

"I'm sorry; I didn't think to let you know. I was just relieved to be getting home. I just wanted to rest up with Sy."

"Hey, this kind of news is important, babe... you tell your best friend when you decide to change your life."

"Change my life?" Christian was puzzled. How could leaving a hospital be a life decision?

Roxy reached over the table and took Christian's hand. "I know I'm not Syed's biggest fan, not after everything I saw you go through in the spring, but I promise I am going to be completely supportive of you getting married."

"Getting what?" Christian's eyes felt like they could pop out of his head, though why Roxy would wind him up like this was beyond him. It was in no way distracting from the dull throb he had in his stomach, which had taken a slight churn when Roxy had mentioned marriage.

"No point in hiding it, everyone knows. Have you set a date for it yet? I have to be your wedding planner. It'll be brilliant... I'm thinking a summer wedding..."

"Hold up a minute, who said I was getting married?"

"I dunno. I heard it from Denise."

"Denise? Where would she get this from?"

"How should I know?" Roxy held her hands up in a surrender gesture and leaned back in the chair. "Were you trying to keep it a secret? In case his parents found out?"

"No, I just... we never said we were getting married, because we're not."

"Oh." Roxy frowned but at the same time Christian was sure he could see relief in her eyes.

"Not yet." He put in, belatedly. He wasn't even sure why it had burst out of his mouth.

"Not yet?"

"Well... in the hospital," he began, skirting around the full story, "Syed kind of proposed."

"He asked you." Roxy leaned forward again, clearly hoping for a juicy story to come out of this, and one that he would be swearing her not to tell anyone.

"It was spur of the moment, he didn't really mean it and I told him so."

"So you said no."

"No... but I didn't say yes, either."

"Oh, Christian," Roxy rubbed his arm in condolence, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" He pulled his arm away, "We're fine. Syed was just upset about hospital stuff and was being impulsive. When the time is right maybe we will marry... just not yet."

"Where is he anyway?"

"Went to the movies with Tam; he's reassuring him that everything is alright, since Sy has spent the last three days running around after me and pretty much ignoring everything else."

Roxy sat quietly and just stared at the tissue in her hands, and Christian just knew she was mulling something over in her mind.

"What are you thinking?" He asked, giving her a sideways look.

She took a few more seconds before answering. "I'm just wondering, why it is that half the square thinks you two are engaged? I mean... the rumour has to start somewhere, right? And he's the one that proposed to you."

Christian scoffed at the insinuation that Syed would start gossiping, and he wasn't stupid. He wouldn't, and besides, it wasn't like Syed to talk about their private life to all and sundry. "You think he got the wrong end of the stick or... what? That he'd guilt me into it since 'everyone knows about it'?"

Roxy shrugged. "It's just odd, that's all I'm saying."

Christian folded his arms across his chest and frowned worriedly.

*

Christian sat at the table, staring at the chair where Roxy had been sitting, and mulled everything over in his head.

Syed wouldn't have told people they were getting engaged. Syed knew they weren't getting married. Christian was pretty sure that if Syed did think so then he'd be in a much happier mood about it all. He'd be wanting to start some sort of plan. Sure, his mother and Amira had pretty much run their wedding and he'd let them do what they wanted, but Christian had watched Syed throughout it and there had always been hints of a man actually excited about the big display and the pride that went with it - even though he had been hiding a very big secret at the time. And even though he had never truly wanted to marry Amira - just the idea of her.

He stood and began to tidy up the mugs he and Rox had used, and once in the kitchen he began doing some more cleaning. He cleaned when he was thinking and when he had spare time and excess energy to burn.

If Syed hadn't said anything then who could have done? Only the two of them knew though, didn't they?

Unless... Jane?

She knew something but would she tell people the wrong thing? It was very un-Jane-like but if Denise had been saying things then there was that link of friendship that led to Jane's door. It must have just been something silly that got out of hand.

Which left the bigger question - did Syed know? Did he know they were being gossiped about – again? And what about the rest of the Masood clan who would no doubt be spitting at the news that there could be a civil partnership taking place near their home and that their own son would take part in it? It would just upset Syed to see or know that his parents had yet another negative opinion of him and his homosexual lover.

He really didn't want to worry Sy, but neither did he want to see him in any way hurt from whatever nastiness could come about from untrue rumours. And Syed was a very private person. Lies or not, theirs would never have been a relationship to lord about the place. Christian and Syed were not Ryan and Janine.

So the question remained as to whether or not he would mention anything to Syed... or if Syed mentioned something to him would he pretend it was the first time he'd heard anything? But come to mention it, people had been acting a bit weird...

His phone rang and he grabbed it from the coffee table. "Hello... Oh, hi Alec... Next week, hopefully, but I'll make sure you get a definite yes or no by Monday... Well I think Syed will be the one to keep everyone right... Well you're due a new programme so I'll draw one up for you while I'm laid up and we'll start that at the next session but in the meantime you can stick to the plan we were on for a little longer... All part of the service, mate. See you later."

"Hey babe," he said as Syed came in the door.

"Who was that?"

"Alec."

Syed frowned while thinking for a second. "Oh, posh Alec."

"Can you make sure we call everyone on Monday to organise sessions properly again? Alec's the only one to call so far though, right?"

"Yeah, he called yesterday too, and the day before come to think of it. Always asking how you were doing."

"That's sweet of him." Christian plopped himself down on the sofa and threw an arm on the back of it so he could turn and see Syed better as he pottered about the place, taking off his jacket and shoes.

"I don't think he likes me."

Christian tilted his head and gave Sy an indulgent look. "He doesn't know you."

As Syed sat down, Christian immediately stood up and moved to the shelves behind the TV. "Want to watch a DVD? Or are you all movie'd out?"

"I could suffer through another movie tonight. So long as it's better than the one I just saw."

Christian's fingers trailed over the titles but not finding something he wanted he moved into the top drawer below that had their overflow in. He grabbed a box and dragged it out, but then as he shut the drawer it wouldn't close right. He pulled it out and tried to shut it again, but it got caught in something in the one below.

"What are you doing?" He heard Syed ask from behind. "Look, leave it alone and sit down, I'll fix it." Syed approached and tried to get Christian to move aside.

"It's just a drawer, this much I can still do, you know."

"Just go sit down." Syed argued, grabbing the DVD box from Christian's hand and trying to take over. Christian frowned then turned back to the drawer.

"What is it? Do you have a present stashed in it for me?" He grinned but Syed didn't - he just gave him an exasperated and, possibly, slightly worried look. The teasing smile dropped from Christian's face and he pushed aside the hand that Syed was trying to block him with, and opened up the drawer to find that the offending items were actually just a handful of papers that had been stuffed on top of a bunch of table cloths.

He pulled them out and looked at them in shock when he read the top line on the legal document.

"Why didn't you say something?" He asked, as he saw the two signatures on the back page.


	11. Chapter 11

Syed just stared at the papers in Christian's hand and his mind went blank. Well, not quite blank, it felt more cartoonish with an 'uh-oh' floating around in his brain.

"Amira signed this," Christian said as he saw the signatures on the page. "Did you see her?"

"No, I didn't," Syed responded quickly. Christian probably wouldn't have had much of a problem with him seeing Amira, but then there was always the problem of Qadim, and if he knew that Syed was living with Christian now then maybe he might come back and finish the job he started on Christian all those months ago. Syed knew that possibility worried Christian to bits and it was one of the reasons he'd kept his application for divorce a secret from him.

"Then what? Why are you hiding this from me?" Christian put the divorce papers down and leaned back against the chest of drawers.

"I didn't want you to worry. And I didn't know how Amira would react or how long it would take..."

"And you didn't think I'd want to know about this? Syed, we're partners, we're supposed to be honest. Remember? We talked about this."

"I know, I just... I thought that once it was official we'd have a weight off our shoulders, and we'd be able to get on with our lives with everything done and dusted. I just thought it was my mess to clear up."

"What about her father?" Christian asked anxiously. Syed could see his knuckles whiten where they held onto the side of the furniture.

"I don't know. I've done everything through a solicitor, there's been no contact with anyone and it went surprisingly smoothly."

"I don't want them anywhere near us, Sy." Christian looked up at him, his eyes giving away a raw emotion inside him that showed his fear of what could have happened back in May. Syed had only seen the aftermath but from what he'd heard about how Christian had been taken away in an ambulance, it was a fear he completely understood. He just wished he'd been there for him, as he had been last year when Christian was hurt, and how he was here for him now.

"Neither do I," Syed said sincerely.

"It's supposed to be a new life for us."

"And it will be." Syed picked up the papers from where Christian had put them down beside them. "And these are just a part of that. It's almost official. I'm almost a free man again. Free to marry again."

Christian bit his bottom lip. "Sy..."

"I was thinking about it," Syed interrupted him. "Before the fire."

Christian seemed a little dumbfounded at Syed's revelation and remained where he was, with his eyes dropped to the sheets of paper in Syed's hand. It was true, of course. Syed had been thinking over things for a while now. He knew he wanted to be with Christian, and he knew it was for life. That was why, in the end, the decision had been easier than he expected.

When his father had punched Christian, and when Tam had told him what he'd said, it was a light bulb moment for him. He suddenly knew, despite the argument he'd had with Christian and despite the times Syed had rejected him or denied him or blanked him in the street, that Christian still loved him. And that he loved him enough to declare it in a packed pub. Christian wasn't out partying and hooking up with strangers. He wasn't bed hopping, he wasn't trying to find someone else to spend his life with - he was still stuck on Syed. When Tam had told Syed everything, his stomach had flipped - and it was then that he knew he had to be with Christian again.

It was only when he came over and Christian asked him about his parents that he stopped properly to think for a moment. And that moment had cost him when Christian had pushed him away; but he didn't give up. Christian had a point and he'd known then that it couldn't be like it had been when he'd been with Amira, when he'd been lying not just to everyone around him, but also to himself. He'd searched his holy book looking for answers, for a passage that would tell him loving Christian was wrong, and he couldn't find one. Reading it again had been a revelation for him. His eyes had opened, and when he wanted to interpret the words to what they could mean for him, then it seemed so much clearer to him. Allah made him. Allah loved him as he was.

After being apart from his family before and banished, he'd vowed not to be alone like that again. But with Christian, he wouldn't be. Christian was his family right now more than anyone else. Tam was as well, but with his parents acting like they were then he was still looking at a smaller family than he was used to.

He couldn't help it though; the 'family' value that was ingrained in him meant that he wanted to do what everyone else did. He'd always wanted to get married and have children and that hadn't changed. It might be more difficult, but it hadn't changed. And he wanted to marry Christian.

"I want us to be a family."

"Can we talk about this later?" Christian asked. "I'm tired and this is... a lot... to take in right now."

"Of course." Syed frowned, worried. "Maybe you should go to bed. I'll help you."

"I can manage." Christian shrugged off Syed's helping hand and wandered away from him, gesturing that he was going to get organised in the back room. Syed dragged a hand over his face and realised with a start that he was shaking. He held his hand out in front of himself to see it, and then stretched his fingers and rubbed his hands together.

He wasn't sure what to make of Christian's reaction but he didn't think it was good. Something seemed off, or missing - and he still couldn't put his finger on it. He needed to talk to Christian about it, properly. He knew Christian loved him, he knew they'd always be together... what he didn't know was why Christian had twice shied away from the idea of a wedding.

*

The next morning, Christian was in the shower when the buzzer went.

They'd gone to bed slightly awkwardly the night before but after a good night's sleep they seemed to be back on track, though Syed knew neither of them had fully forgotten the conversation from last night.

But they'd been having a bit of a lazy morning. They'd slept in - though hadn't done much sleeping. Right now Syed was hoping that they hadn't reverted to their old ways; seeking solace in the physical aspect of their relationship in order to cover up their argument from the night before.

Syed was going to go with Christian into the shower but it was all a bit of a 'faff' trying to keep the stitches dry without the added complication of them being in there together, and distracted. With a pout, Christian had let Syed leave to go make them a proper brunch and Syed had been relieved to a degree as he wanted some time to think about what to say to Christian next.

He licked some sauce from his fingers and ran back to check the pots as Jane entered and took off her coat.

"Syed... have you been talking to anyone in the square recently?"

"I guess so, but no major discussions. Why?"

He turned to look at her and could sense a tension and perhaps some guilt as she blushed slightly.

"Remember what you told me in the car a few days ago? On the way back from the hospital?"

Syed decided to be careful in his approach. "You mean... when you badgered out of me why I was in a mood..."

"Yes, that conversation." She nodded her head but was refusing to meet Syed's eyes, and that made him highly suspicious.

"What about it?" He hedged.

"Well," Jane scratched the back of her head, "I'm not sure there's an easy way to say this but... everyone is going around saying you and my brother are engaged."

Syed strode back out of the kitchen area quickly. "What?" He demanded.

"I don't know how it happened... Chinese whispers?" She shrugged.

"What did you say to people?" Syed growled, trying to keep his voice down as he heard the shower switching off.

"I think the girls took it all the wrong way. I may have said that you asked."

"You told people?" Syed rubbed his head. "Does Christian know?"

"I don't know. As far as I'm aware Christian only knows that I know that you asked him." She paused as she ran the sentence back through her head. "So unless someone else has said something to him then I doubt it. He's been in here most of the time, hasn't he?"

Syed nodded. Christian had stayed put for the most part and only been outside if Syed had been with him.

"He hasn't said anything to me." Syed kept his chin propped on his hand. "We can't tell him."

"And how are you going to keep it from him? Anyone could say something in conversation." Jane stayed close to Syed as they talked in harsh whispers.

"We'll just have to set people right and then maybe he'll never find out. Maybe we can keep it from getting to him..."

"Good luck with that." Jane glanced at the door to the back room and then turned and walked away to lean on the table.

"Hey, sis." Christian wandered out wearing just a towel around his waist. "Didn't expect you round until lunchtime."

"Uh, it's after Twelve, Christian. Some of us have been up and working since eight."

Christian just put a hand to his chest and feigned hurt feelings. "Ouch, I'm injured, you know."

"Speaking of that," Jane approached Christian and lightly touched his side and then, with her other hand cupped his chin. "How are you, really?"

"I'm fine." Christian took his sister's hand while Syed looked on from the sidelines. "I'll be back to my normal self in a little bit, and in the meantime, I've got Sy's mother-hen routine... and yours... to keep me on the straight and narrow."

"Well, I'd better get going or Ian will have my head off for leaving the cafe for too long, but you let me know if you need anything. Anything. Straight away." Jane may as well have been talking to Bobby, by the way her tone of voice made it clear she would take no arguments.

"Promise," Christian responded, and Jane grabbed her coat and got going, promising to stop by again later. Though the look she shot Syed before going out the door was one Syed really hoped Christian hadn't caught. The weight of another secret hung in the atmosphere, whether Christian realised or not, and Syed had butterflies in his stomach as he now had to decide whether or not to tell Christian. After last night he really felt he should, but then again, after last night he really didn't want to bring up any talk about marriage for a little while longer.

Instead he opted to ask Christian how he wanted his eggs cooked, and disappeared back into the kitchen.


	12. Chapter 12

Christian sat at the table, flicking through his diary while Syed was out getting the shopping. He'd barely gone outside in the past few days but it wasn't his agoraphobia coming back, it was due to sheer laziness. But also a part of him didn't want to face anyone who might comment to him about his relationship with Syed. Right now he figured he could easily play the innocent, because he really hadn't spoken to anyone.

But then, he did worry Denise would say something obvious to Syed while he was out - but Sy had an ability to ignore people, even if unintentionally, and just go about his life. And considering that Syed also had a slightly shy side, it meant most people would leave him alone. If someone was going to mention something, it would be to the one of them considered the outgoing party animal always up for a laugh - which couldn't happen if they didn't see him.

He wasn't a fool; he'd have to go out eventually. He had to get back to work next week, for one.

As he flicked through his schedule he was able to check who was when, though most were in regular time slots these days, and he'd be able to work out a programme for them that he'd be able to demonstrate without killing himself in the process.

He'd been taking notes for the better part of the morning but he kept getting distracted. Syed had done the hard part of phoning everyone about when Christian would be training again yesterday, so today he had been sitting reading before going out to get the shopping. It had been quite quiet in the flat apart from the strains of music from the CD player and, with a few quietly sung choruses, Christian had been sitting with his head resting in his hand and staring at Syed.

He'd done it again.

He'd avoided conversations about marriage and hadn't actually answered Syed's questions about their future.

He hadn't meant to hurt Syed, and he wasn't sure that he had. It wasn't that he didn't want to marry Syed but there had been niggles in the back of his mind each time Sy had asked, and in some ways they seemed a bit petty but they were there and he'd have to get over them first. And really, the pair of them should talk it out - but it was a difficult subject to broach out of the blue.

He'd almost married before. That really didn't count. It had been for money and he was younger (though not by much) and stupider when he'd agreed to it. He didn't even want it and afterward had decided he'd never actually consider having a civil partnership ever again. But then, there was a time he didn't think he'd fall in love with someone and want to be with them for good, and that part of him had certainly changed.

He could tell himself that he was worried about Syed - about his family's reaction, about the community's reaction... but Syed was a big boy and could handle himself. He'd already made sacrifices to be with Christian and was coping fine. This wouldn't make it any more difficult.

He could also be really petty and say he had wanted to be the one to ask... he hadn't been prepared for it to be the other way round. But then that was stupid as he felt it could and probably should just be something that came organically from a discussion and not some grand gesture of getting down on one knee - much like Syed had approached it twice.

No, he could say it was all of that - but he'd be misleading himself.

It was when Syed had said he wanted to build a family with Christian that for some reason, his stomach had dropped, his heart had quickened and he was scared. Pure and simple.

And that's what was stupid.

They would be living together anyway. They were already a family - the two of them united against the world.

But rings and vows and confetti and... commitment - sworn out loud. That was a big thing, especially for Syed, as marriage would have a huge impact on his faith. Christian wasn't very religious - ironically, considering his own name - and a civil partnership was more about rights than religion, but it still marked a new chapter in their lives that he wasn't sure they had reached yet.

And if Syed wanted a family - a proper 'family' - did that mean he somehow wanted to bring kids into their lives? Did it mean moving to a house big enough for them and kids? Did it mean them having the responsibility and the joy of taking care of a child?

He couldn't take it if he got his hopes up about raising a baby again and it was taken away from him. He didn't want another Amy situation.

And wouldn't it be best to have some time properly for themselves first?

As the doorbell rang, Christian wondered why Syed was incapable of closing the bottom door properly.

"Alec," he said, surprised to see his client on the other side of the door. He didn't think Alec even knew where he lived.

Alec's eyes traveled over Christian's frame. "For a guy who was skewered by part of a burning building you're looking remarkably well."

"What are you doing here?"

Alec stretched his Tupperware-laden arms out toward Christian and smiled, "I made you these. I was bored and I made too much... thought you might like some."

"That's kind of you." Christian said as he took hold of them, turning to put them on the table. As he did so, Alec followed him in, and as Christian turned around he was startled by how close Alec was to him.

"Chicken noodle soup! It seemed appropriate. There's also some chocolate cake in the top box, there." Alec pushed his blond hair back from his face. It was about the same length as Sy's, only straight as an arrow, even if Alec wasn't.

"I didn't think you were in Walford at the weekends."

"I think I'm getting closer on that deal I told you about so I decided to stay in my flat over here for a bit longer to oversee things. I'm hoping to finalise with the property company this week if the owner accepts my offer."

"You never did tell me where this building you want is... or why you want it." Christian folded his arms and leaned against the table.

"I don't want to jinx it." Alec's Eton educated accent always exuded confidence though, so it was highly unlikely he wouldn't get what he was after. Christian had been wondering for quite some time why someone of Alec's background would be in Walford but, according to Alec, there were ample opportunities for business investments around here. He still found it strange but since Alec was paying him for training he was quite happy the guy was investing locally - he'd already paid Christian a hefty amount of money for his training.

"I'm sure you'll get it." There was silence for a moment between them. "Thanks for the food. Syed's a good cook but it'll be nice for him to have a rest from doing it all too."

"Where is Syed? I seem to only ever speak with him on the phone." Alec looked around the flat, his eyes lingering on the corner with the bed.

"He's out for a bit."

"I'm surprised he'd leave your side while you're laid up."

Christian smiled; it was strangely comforting that people expected Syed to play nursemaid 24/7. "He's allowed the odd break."

"Well, I hate to leave you on your own, but I'd best get going."

"Sure."

"I'll see you on Tuesday and you can order me about however you please."

"I wouldn't dream of taking it easy on you."

Christian closed the door behind Alec and frowned slightly. He was still unsure as to how Alec knew where he lived; he didn't think any of his clients did. Huh.


	13. Chapter 13

"Turn over."

Christian moaned at Syed's demand.

"You're lying on your stitches, turn over."

"I was almost asleep."

"Sorry," Syed said as he grinned down at Christian while the man forced himself around to lie on his back. Syed stayed as he was, his head on his hand, with his elbow propped up on the pillow. He was just lying watching Christian, happy to have him in the same bed.

"No you're not." Christian looked up at him and they both stared into each others' eyes in the dark of the evening. Christian's hand came up and his fingers lightly traced Syed's jaw, and Syed turned his lips into Christian's hand and kissed his palm.

Syed leaned down and touched his lips tenderly to Christian's in a barely there kiss as his hand ran up the centre of his chest. He didn't pull his lips away, not entirely, just enough so that he could breathe and mouth his words against Christian's in between lazy kisses. "I want to stay like this... forever... just you and me... and nothing else matters."

"I like the way you think." Christian responded and Syed smiled against his lips before opening Christian's with his tongue and plundering his mouth, stealing Christian's breath from him and feeling the bruise of their intensity. Their kisses heightened, becoming more furious, sloppy, and breathless.

Christian reached his hand behind Syed's head and pulled him in tightly against him. They'd been so careful since Christian had been released from the hospital but now Christian was attacking Syed with vigor and it was impossible for Syed to not give in. He straddled Christian's hips and ground his groin against Christian's as their bare chests rubbed against each other. Syed once more breathed Christian's name against his lips before turning his head away to kiss a trail down Christian's jaw, nipping and sucking his way to behind his ear and down to the join between shoulder and neck, where he latched onto Christian's skin with his teeth as he felt the other man slide his hand down Syed's back.

"God, you're perfect."

Syed smiled as Christian began to moan and murmur encouragement. He pulled back so that he was sitting on top of Christian and, as both men used their hands to pleasure each other, Syed could only think about how much he loved Christian and never wanted to let him go.

*

The alarm woke them early and Syed untangled himself long enough to silence it with a grumpy moan and a thump on the snooze button.

Christian stirred but only barely woke up. Syed hovered over him and played his fingers over Christian's chest.

He snuggled back down and tucked his head in beside Christian's, feeling an arm go around him in return.

"Morning..." Christian mumbled without opening his eyes.

"Do you have to go out so early?" Syed pouted. He knew Christian was back training today; after all, he'd set up the appointments. And to be fair, he did like seeing Christian in a vest, but he'd rather they took an extended break from it all and lived like hermits for another day instead.

"Isn't that my line?" To be fair, Christian was right; normally it was Syed getting up at the crack of dawn to go to mosque.

"Why can't we just stay here?" Syed was determined to hold onto Christian for longer. He skirted a hand down Christian's side, carefully avoiding his injury and reached down further to between Christian's legs.

"Because..." Christian reached to grab Syed's hand before he could entice too much of a reaction from him. "Because right now we're disgusting, the bed stinks and the sheets need washing... and I have to go to work. It's not even that early, it's already 9 o'clock..."

"Spoilsport." Syed lightly hit Christian on the arm in annoyance as he pushed the covers back, letting the cool air in as he clambered out. Christian grabbed his dressing gown from the side and put it on, turning back as Syed raised his eyes to meet Christian's.

"What's the point in washing the sheets just to get them dirty again?" Syed gave his lover his best come hither look but it wasn't working as it usually did.

"You're disgusting..." Christian threw Syed's dressing gown at him and wandered away into the bathroom.

Syed untangled himself from the covers and threw on his own dressing gown as he padded his way into the kitchen, turning on the coffee machine and the toaster. He could hear Christian in the shower already. Soon enough Christian came back out, already dressed in a tracksuit and vest for his morning session.

He kissed the top of Syed's head and Syed saw him pull a face as he then ruffled the hair and sat down in the seat opposite.

"Will I see you for lunch?" Christian asked as he took a swig of the orange juice Sy had laid out for him.

"I promised Jane I'd help her in the cafe today, Bianca's sick," Syed explained at Christian's questioning look. "Stop by though, and I'll get you a free cup of tea."

"Ooooooh, right out from under Ian's nose, you're on," Christian smirked.

As Christian left, Syed moved to the window and watched as Christian made his way down the street. He liked to do so occasionally; he liked to watch Christian do a lot of things and this was just one. It was something he'd done a few times from the window of his parents' house too, only now he didn't have anyone to hide the looks from.

He saw Christian shake hands with Billy Mitchell near the stalls and he could make out what he thought was a frown as Billy patted Christian on the back. He caught his breath as he worried that Billy just said something about the rumours to Christian but it looked like Christian just shrugged it off and began jogging as he made his way to meet up with Lesley, the client for this morning.

It was riskier now not to have said anything as Christian would be out all day today, without Syed as a shadow beside him from now on - and it meant anyone could say something. People hadn't mentioned anything to Syed for a few days but still... it could easily happen. Thank heavens the pub wasn't open at the moment because if Christian were to go in there he knew that after about a minute the cat would be out of the bag.

He really needed to suck it up and just talk to Christian about everything.

As much as he loved where they were at the moment he really did want more. He wanted more from Christian. He always wanted more from Christian in every way, like some obsessed stalker.

Maybe if he were to talk to Jane first, though. She could be a voice of reason and shed more light on Christian's reluctance so that he had some ammunition for when they talked it through properly.

*

Syed had certainly not missed wearing an apron. At least he didn't have to wear the stupid hat.

He'd had a pretty easy shift of it though while Jane had to go run a conference lunch for Masala Queen and as she returned, already looking harried, he decided to hedge his bets with a few questions.

"Spit it out, Syed," Jane said, easily sensing that Syed had something to ask.

"It's about your brother."

"There's a shock." She rolled her eyes.

"No, it's just... you know what he's like," Syed began, almost unsure now how to approach it while Jane just shrugged. "I mean, we've been fine, it's like nothing was ever mentioned about... about a 'you-know-what'..."

"So why are you worried?" Jane cleaned her hands on a tea towel and handed the to-go sandwich to the customer with a nod and a smile.

"Because everything is too normal."

"Have you said anything to him?"

Syed took his time over how to word it. "He found something in the flat, and it was brought up again. I told him I still wanted to... and then he just shut down on me."

"Oh." Jane mouthed more than she actually said it out loud. "Well..." she began, "the last time he got engaged it was for money. And it didn't last."

"That 'Ashley' bloke, right?"

Jane nodded. "It was stupid, and he knew that. Look, I never thought I'd see the day Christian fell properly in love and yet here you are, the pair of you... fawning over each other. He loves you, and that's not going to change. I highly doubt that he'd be having second thoughts about the relationship; that's not why he's saying no."

"Then why is he?"

"Probably... and this is only a guess," she warned. "He's probably just scared."

"Of what?"

"Of something changing, of finally growing up... and he's probably worried he'll mess it up somehow."

Syed was still quiet as he took it in and his mind began to formulate ways of countering any argument Christian could give him, and put a mental list together of pros to outweigh the cons that could arise. He didn't even realise that Jane was still talking until she put her hand on his arm. "He's more sensitive than he looks. And he bottles things up, just like you. It's one of the things you have in common - talk to him."


	14. Chapter 14

Christian slammed the door shut as he came in. He had a habit of doing that; sometimes he was a force of nature that he didn't even realise himself. "More Slater drama in the square."

"Huh?" Syed barely even looked up from his book while lying across the sofa.

"The Slaters. Stacey got into a fight with Janine in the square."

"What, a proper fight?"

"Fisticuffs and all!" Christian moved Syed's legs out the way long enough to sit where they had been, before dragging them back over his lap and smiling at his boyfriend.

"You didn't get involved did you?" Syed folded the book over his lap and leaned up, concerned. Though Christian was clearly unhurt he still automatically felt protective while he was, technically, convalescing.

Christian scoffed. "I saved that girl once, and that's enough for now. Besides, I think she won anyway and Pat broke it up. Full on girl fight though, with dirt flying about the place."

"I'm not surprised with Janine involved." Syed leaned back and picked his book up again, pretending to read while Christian's hands on his legs proved to be a distraction.

Christian leaned forward to the coffee table and grabbed the remote, turning the TV on but keeping the sound low while his other hand stroked the inside of Syed's thigh... up and down... constantly getting closer to Syed's groin as he worked his hand up, the feeling warm against Syed's jeans.

"Haven't you got another session now?" Syed asked.

"No, it's tomorrow afternoon," Christian absently threw back, not taking his eyes away from Eggheads.

"Are you sure?" Syed was tempted to get up and check the diary to make sure.

"Yeah, Alec. Tomorrow afternoon. Usual time slot."

"Oh," Syed mouthed and then turned his head to look at the table. "Are you going to give him that Tupperware back? It's been sitting there for ages."

"Yeah, I'll get round to it."

"Okay."

Syed stared at Christian, wondering if the other man had really taken in what he'd asked. He kept looking until Christian turned to him. "I'll get round to it!" Christian insisted.

Christian had been doing his best to return to 'normal' since he'd been training people again. Though he couldn't take part with them as much as he'd like, Christian wasn't one to dwell on physical injuries so he was going about business as usual.

But at night, in bed, Syed was well aware of the strain occasionally. Most of that came from overworking tender muscles and skin during the day, and wasn't so much down to any night time strenuous activities. But lately he'd been taking things much easier on Christian and last night had even been called out on it by Christian, who accused him of babying him.

A few weeks on and, apparently, he was 'perfectly fine, now quit your worrying'.

He wasn't perfectly fine. He was close, but not quite, and until he was Syed was going to continue to take care of Christian, as the man seemed incapable at times of taking care of himself. This wasn't a new realisation, but being with Christian almost 24/7 meant a whole new level of frustration at times. It was sometimes a wonder he wanted to marry the guy.

Christian leaned his head back on the sofa as the credits rolled.

"Who won?" Syed asked, not that he was bothered.

Christian just gave him a look. "The Eggheads. They always do."

Syed sat in silence again for a few moments; while Christian whistled part of a Scissor Sisters song and drummed his hand on Syed's leg. "Fancy going out for dinner?"

"Table for two at the Argee?" Syed mocked.

"No," Christian moaned. "Something nice, a bit further out but walking distance - maybe the Italian place we liked, the one on the other side of the tube station."

"Sure, why not."

"Great." Christian ducked back out from under Syed's legs. "Let me have a shower and then we can head out."

*

Christian laughed loudly at one of Syed's jokes and the sound travelled around the restaurant, making Syed blush slightly at the attention. He picked up his water and took a sip to settle himself.

Christian leaned forward in his seat and propped his elbows on the table surrounding his now empty plate. "So... you want to go see a film after? We could go the whole hog... dinner and a movie."

"Are you going to invite me home for coffee after?" Syed grinned and leaned forward, mirroring Christian's position.

"Might do." Christian reached over, grabbed one of the remaining pieces of pasta on Sy's plate and popped it into his mouth.

"Come on then, let's pay the bill and get going." Syed looked around, trying to get their waiter's attention.

"Christian Clarke! Fancy seeing you here!"

Both men whipped their heads around to find the source of the voice. Syed turned his head back to see Christian plaster on a smile as he looked up to greet the intruder.

"Alec. Still in Walford, then."

Alec stood between them by the side of the table. "You can't get rid of me that easily." He kept his eyes on Christian longer than Syed would have liked, though he had to tell himself to tone down any jealousy lest he get a reputation for it. But he didn't like it when Alec addressed him but kept his eyes on Christian, who was briefly signalling the waiter. "Syed, a pleasure to put a face to the voice."

The two shook hands slowly and Syed felt like he was being appraised.

"Likewise. So what brings you here?"

"Business dinner." He turned back to Christian. "That deal I spoke about. I'm hoping to sign the papers next week, just finalising the haggling tonight."

"Congratulations." Christian smiled politely and briefly looked over at Syed. Both of them were keen to get on with their evening, but were trying not to appear rude.

"Thank you. Once the deal is done and dusted it'll mean I'll be hanging around quite a bit longer. A nice little knock on effect for you." Alec hit Christian playfully on the arm. "I'll need to keep seeing my personal trainer!"

"Well, it'll be a pleasure."

The three of them looked at each other, slightly awkwardly.

"Listen, uh, we better get going, Sy, or we'll miss the start." Christian broke the silence as he grabbed his coat from the back of his chair, prompting Syed to do the same.

Alec stepped back a little, "Evening out together?"

"Dinner and a movie," Syed answered.

"Sounds nice," Alec nodded. "I'll let you two get on then. I'll see you tomorrow."

After Alec went back over to his own table, Christian paid the waiter and then grabbed Syed's hand. Syed turned and looked back over to where Alec was, curious to know who he was with and what the 'business' was, but all he could make out was that there were two other men in suits at the table with him, with one of them pouring wine for the table.

Once outside, he pulled his jacket further round himself against the cold as Christian zipped his own one up.

Syed looked up at Christian, who just looked back at him. "What?"

Syed put on a silly, low voice, "I'll need to keep seeing my personal trainer."

Christian laughed. "Stop being silly."

"The voice matches the body anyway."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Christian asked as they walked down the street arm in arm.

"The man looks like he just stepped out from an Edwardian Estate for the evening. I swear he turned his nose up at me."

"You're imagining things!" Christian shook his head as he giggled. "Though you are sexy when you're jealous."

"I am not jealous." Syed's mouth hung open at the accusation, "I'm not!" He did realise there was some truth in what Christian said. He couldn't help it, not when he had a boyfriend like Christian, who could have any bloke he wanted.

"Yeah, yeah." Christian nudged his shoulder against Syed's. "You're still sexy though." Christian beamed at Syed and everything was forgotten as they walked down the street together.


	15. Chapter 15

"How'd it go?" Syed threw the words behind him as the door slammed closed, and he heard the jangling of Christian's keys as they hit the table.

"Clean bill of health!" Christian stood with his arms stretched to the side and his face beaming with the good news.

"Really?" Syed stood, eying Christian in case he was lying to him.

"Really. Well," Christian scrunched his nose up, "I'm to 'ease back in' according to the doctor. But apart from that, everything looks good and you are to be commended on such fabulous nursing skills."

"I must have missed my calling in life." Syed snaked his hands around Christian's hips. He no longer had to be so careful as he skirted over Christian's stomach and side, and he was very grateful for that after the last however many weeks they'd had of Christian being injured. He wouldn't miss Christian waking up in the middle of the night having turned funny and ended up in pain; or just seeing the wince on Christian's face if he ever over stretched. Right back to the memory of seeing him in that hospital bed. It didn't seem like that long ago but he would be glad when it was a distant memory.

Syed leaned in, kissed Christian tenderly on the lips and pulled back. "Jane invited us round for dinner."

"Tonight?" Christian moaned, "But I thought we could celebrate... on our own..." Christian's hand trailed down over Syed's lower back and dipped below the waistband of his jeans.

"We're getting anti-social." Syed smiled. "People are going to forget our names at this rate!"

"I dunno, Sy... I'm not sure I can put up with Ian for two hours. He'll just moan about your mum and make it awkward for the two of us."

"What about Jane? And Peter, and Bobby?"

Christian screwed his face up, thinking exaggeratedly. "Why don't we just go out for a few drinks? We can invite Jane along... I've heard a rumour that Alfie's opened up the Vic's cellar as a drinking den."

"I'm not sure that's legal." Syed narrowed his eyes.

"Neither am I." Christian frowned. "But it's social."

"I heard Patrick and Kim Fox are doing something in their living room. Not exactly what you'd picture for a night out though."

"R&R?" Christian asked.

Syed considered it, but then Roxy would likely be there. And then Jack would ask Christian if he was available to work at some point and try to get times out of him and it probably wouldn't be quite so fun, not for him anyway. He sighed. They clearly needed some new places to go.

"We could be really adventurous. We could branch out, maybe even somewhere we'd need to get on the tube to go visit." The sarcasm dripped from Syed's mouth by the end of his sentence.

Christian mocked being shocked and moved his hand from Syed's waist. "How radical!"

Christian looked about them and Syed's eyes followed to where Christian was looking, before he found himself being unceremoniously dragged down onto the sofa. "Or..." Christian began, "we could go with the original plan A... and stay right here."

Syed looked around them and then his eyes trailed up Christian's body, seeing him in his tightest jeans, a vest and open shirt. His eyes widened and his own jeans began to feel tighter as well. "Sounds good to me..."

Christian grinned widely, and dragged Syed on top him.

*

Christian was just finishing up with Alec - who had bent down to grab his drink bottle - as Syed approached them, checking his watch.

"Did you start late or overrun?" He asked, as he'd been wondering where Christian had been before setting out, trying to work backwards to where he'd find his erstwhile partner.

"What?" Christian checked his watch. "Shoot, overran, sorry..."

"That's my fault." Alec said as he straightened back up, his tight black training shirt stained with sweat. He wiped his brow. "I talk back too much to my trainer, slows the process down." He smiled and slapped Christian's back playfully.

"Well, we need to get going." Christian looked blankly at Syed. "We're picking Bobby up from school as a favour for Jane, remember?"

"Oh!" Christian's rolled his eyes as he remembered. "I'm sorry, Sy, I completely forgot."

"Good job you keep him around then," Alec nudged Christian and gestured to Syed, "You must need someone to keep you straight. No pun intended."

Christian smiled politely in response while Syed just narrowed his eyes at Alec. There was something about the man that he just couldn't take to. But he kept telling himself not to get wound up in any jealousy. He trusted Christian completely, and on top of that... Alec wasn't Christian's type. Plus, Christian would have a field day making fun of him if he knew just how jealous Syed got sometimes. His possessive streak was something he'd always had and went as far back as defending his belongings from being taken by a young Tamwar, even when it was hand-me-down toys and clothes that his mum told him to give to Tam... he never liked doing that. If something was his, he wanted to keep it.

"I don't have time for a shower do I?" Christian asked Syed, his eyes clearly showing he hoped he did.

"I really don't think so. Jane will kill us if Bobby has to hang about the school gate for too long." Syed's eyes moved back and forth between Christian, as he grabbed his things together, and Alec - who continued to drink from his bottle but was clearly paying complete attention to the conversation. Syed felt as if he and Christian were being intruded on, despite the everyday nature of the conversation, and the paranoid part of his brain had to be shushed by the logical side. 'Alec is just being normal'. 'Alec is no threat to your relationship'.

"If this is what you two are like before you get married, I shudder to think what arguments might be like once you've been together for a lot longer."

Christian froze, imperceptibly, before leaning back up from his back and turning to Alec.

"Sorry, what?"

Syed found it difficult to meet Christian's eyes, even though he didn't think Christian was trying to look at him, but all the same, he felt the awkwardness of the conversation suddenly descend into his stomach.

"You two." Alec gestured between them. "Everyone says you're getting married."

Now Christian looked at Syed. He could feel his partner's eyes on him and he met them with the blankest, most innocent look he could muster. Of course, this news was a complete shock to him. To both of them.

"Ah... I'm sorry, who's 'everyone'?" Syed's eyebrow knitted in what he hoped was surprised confusion.

"I was in the little shop earlier, I heard talk in there. Frankly I was quite surprised; I didn't think you'd been together for very long." Alec's nonchalant observation didn't fool Syed. He was convinced the guy was trying to get some sort of rise from him, but he wouldn't be baited. He was far too busy trying to hide the fact that he already knew about the gossip from Christian and that was difficult enough - after all, he knew he wasn't a very good liar.

"I didn't realise our private life was the gossip of Albert Square," Syed said, turning slightly to Christian, only to see the other man seem quite taken aback by the naiveté of the statement. "Again, of course," he belatedly added.

After it took him a second to readjust, Christian looked back at Alec. "We've no plans to get married, it's not true."

Syed turned, open-mouthed to Christian. The way he'd said it seemed so off-the-cuff and easy for him. Okay, fine, technically it was true, but hearing Christian say it to someone felt a bit like a knife to the gut. His tone of voice made it seem quite final, matter of fact - as if the notion were preposterous. And that hurt.

Alec carried on, unaware of Syed's thoughts, "Well, that makes sense. I didn't think that you'd even want to... East End communities must be quite a warren of idle gossip." Alec looked between the two men and could now clearly see the tension and knew that anything he said wouldn't help... even if it had been nicer. He gathered his bag up and slung it over his shoulder. "I'd best be off. I'll see you next time, Christian."

He took his leave, with one look back at Christian before leaving the two men to stand in the middle of the square in silence, with only the beginning of light rain bouncing off Arthur's bench to break the silence between them. That and background noise of the workmen at the Vic and the shouts from market stalls.

"Did you know about...?" Syed began.

"No!" Christian cut in quickly, and then frowned. "Did you...?"

"No..." Syed shook his head and crossed his arms.

"Who knows where people get these ideas from..." Christian picked up his own bag and looked at Syed, who was still standing the same way.

Syed nodded his head slowly. "Who knows. It was interesting though, the way you just shot those rumours down so quickly."

"Interesting?" Christian balked. "How? Because I don't want Alec or anyone else talking about us behind our backs? I thought that was what you preferred too?"

"I do." Syed sighed as he tried to think how to articulate himself. "I really don't like people forming opinions on us based on whatever has gone before. It's just the way you did it, is all."

Christian plonked himself down on the bench and leaned his elbows on his knees as he took in a deep breath. "I can't win with you lately, can I?" It wasn't a question, just a statement of fact.

"What does that mean?"

"It means, we've been going back and forth on this issue ourselves for weeks but spending half of our time avoiding it. It just seems that every time it comes up, I say something that you don't like."

"Maybe because I'm not getting the answer I want from you." Syed sat beside Christian.

"So now you're going to bully it out of me are you? For God's sake, Syed, that's not how this works!" Christian stood, grabbed his bag and stormed off.

"Christian!" Syed shouted after him. After a few steps, still just watching Christian's back, he hurried after him but kept trailing behind. "We have to go get Bobby!"

"Come on then!" Christian half shouted, half growled, without turning to face Syed again.

Syed had a feeling that things were going to be icy now until they could talk about this properly. Tonight. They had to talk about this properly, tonight. So far everything had come out wrong...


	16. Chapter 16

Christian was still in a mood when they arrived home later. Poor Bobby had sensed some tension and was probably wondering if he'd done anything to upset his Uncle. Syed had trailed behind him up the steps, still silent. Christian had too, but his silence likened more to seething than contemplation.

He dropped his keys on the middle of the table and took off his coat, resting it over the back of a chair before moving over to sit on the sofa.

"Is this how it's going to be?" Syed asked, as he took his jacket off and placed it on top of Christian's.

"What would you like me to say?" Christian shot back, considering how Syed seemed to want to dictate his answers for everything now. Christian knew he was being petulant but for some reason he couldn't stop himself biting back at Syed while he was still annoyed.

"Don't be like that," Syed said as he sat next to Christian, "You know perfectly well that I didn't mean it that way."

"Do I?" Christian asked. They hadn't actually had a proper conversation about it all in ages, and even then they'd skirted issues that both were probably too afraid to bring up. Of course, now it seemed they might, seeing as they were now arguing about it. They'd be better to get things into the open.

"Yes, you do," Syed said. He wiped a hand over his face. "Look, I just want us to think about this properly. Talk about it - where we see ourselves heading and... what's scaring us about moving forward."

Christian sighed and leaned forward so that he was sitting with his shoulder against Syed's. "Where do we start?"

"Why are you so scared?" Syed's voice was strong and confident, like he knew what Christian was thinking... even if he didn't realise it himself.

Christian took a deep breath. "I don't even know, to be honest. I just keep thinking about last year and up to your wedding... and I think about a couple of years ago when I thought I might get married. It's insane, it really is. I love you." He turned so he could look into Syed's eyes. "You know you're all I want."

"And you're all I want, so why worry about marriage?"

"All I see around me are marriages crumbling away. What kind of role models are all our neighbours? Right now I know we're strong; there's just this part of me that wonders if actually getting married is some kind of death knell."

Syed took a moment, clearly thinking Christian was being silly but not sure how to tell him. Christian knew himself that it was irrational but they did say they would talk about their fears so here they were doing so.

"My parents are together; they've been happily married for over 20 years."

"Yes, and your parents hate me. And speaking of which, wouldn't it be hard for you to have any kind of ceremony that they aren't even at? Or gave their blessing for?"

"I hadn't put too much thought into that."

"Good job we're talking about things then." Christian nudged Syed's shoulder. "I know you've been thinking about things but you've romanticised the whole thing. You want the happy ending now, don't you."

It wasn't a question; he knew that Syed had taken a long time to get to where he was. After years of denial and then a sham marriage, he was happy with Christian and now he just wanted the 'live happily ever after' part without thinking about how that would actually come about or what they might face in the future. Syed was still young - only in his mid-twenties. At that age Christian was more of a party animal who wouldn't have dreamt of settling down at all and never planned to. So Syed wasn't like him; that much was obvious. And Sy's religion pretty much prevented him from being much more like Christian - but he was still young.

Didn't he want to live a little more?

"To me, living is... living with you," Syed responded when asked. Christian smiled indulgently at Syed for that.

"When you got married to Amira," Christian took Syed's hand, "Both of us got hurt... then we hurt her when everything came out. Are you even sure all that is behind us, far enough behind us for us to enjoy a wedding day of our own?"

"Honestly?" Syed asked.

"Honestly," Christian countered.

"I don't even know." Syed bit his lip. "But although we hurt Amira, which I bitterly regret and will do for the rest of my life... seeing you that day... how upset you were... crying over us," Syed tightened his grip on Christian's hand. "I want to replace those memories with seeing you smiling on our wedding day, enjoying the attention from everyone while you look gorgeous in a tail suit."

Christian lowered his head and gave a quiet giggle as Syed began talking about how their day might go. He had to admit, it sounded good.

"I'm going to marry you someday." Syed said, adamantly.

"Yeah?" Christian asked playfully, though slightly reservedly. "I think perhaps you will." Christian saw Syed's eyes light up at the possibility. "But when the time is right," Christian added.

"Any idea when that might be?" Syed asked, linking his arm into Christian's.

"We'll know when it's time." Christian said. "And we'll do it on our terms. No random gossip deciding for us."


	17. Chapter 17

Christian stormed out of the night club with Syed trailing after him. Christian had let his hand go halfway up the staircase to get out, but seemed to be assuming Syed was still behind him.

They'd wanted a nice night out and the majority of it had been. They'd socialised with Kat and Stacey Slater and Kim Fox. Kat and Kim hadn't been around during the year Christian and Syed had hidden their relationship. They also hadn't been around when the revelation that Syed was gay had come out. They'd only really known him since he was living with Christian and it was refreshing to be treated completely normally, like there wasn't an elephant in the room, and that no one talked about Syed's past or his parents or Amira. He liked that, and the night had been fun. Christian wasn't anywhere near drunk and had only had a few drinks, and they'd smiled and laughed and been thoroughly enjoying themselves.

They were in public, as a couple, and they'd kissed in front of everyone in the club and Syed hadn't felt remotely uncomfortable. He'd enjoyed it, and these days the public displays of affection weren't anything to worry about. He no longer seemed to care if he was being 'judged' for being gay. Now he was happier to simply let people see that Christian was with him, he'd landed Christian Clarke as a boyfriend when others couldn't, and he was proud of his relationship. And he could warn others off from trying anything with himself or with Christian. He felt like he'd matured so much in the short time they'd officially been a couple.

He followed Christian over to the wall as the older man kicked at it in frustration before turning and leaning back against it.

Syed slowed as he approached, and he reached a hand out to lean it against the wall beside Christian's head.

"Do you feel better after that rant?" Syed asked. He was slightly amused by the whole thing, though perhaps 'bemused' was more apt. And he'd stirred a little... low down in his body... as Christian had shouted at Roxy and defended his honour.

"I do a bit, actually," Christian laughed, releasing some of the tension in his body. "She can really wind me up sometimes, the stupid cow."

"She's your best friend."

"That doesn't stop her being a stupid cow." Christian frowned.

"Did you mean what you said back there?" He carried on as Christian's facial expression pointedly asked him to be a bit clearer, "About you cutting her off if she didn't accept us?"

"Of course I meant it." Christian crossed his arms.

One side of Syed's mouth curled up in an unbidden grin and once more he felt a vague stirring in his stomach. It happened when Christian said he loved him, or alluded to the fact. "You're going to forgive her tomorrow."

"No, I'm not." Christian pouted, as if his capacity to hold a grudge was in question, which it plainly was. Christian was forgiving by nature and he always relented. Syed knew this and he was enjoying pointing that out to his boyfriend.

"You will because it's Roxy and as silly as she can be, she didn't actually mean anything malicious. It's not worth losing your friendship over."

Christian slid down the wall and, not caring about the concrete, ended up sitting on the pavement with his knees up to lean his elbows on. Syed stayed by his side and crouched down to look him in the eyes.

"We've isolated ourselves enough," Syed continued.

"You're defending Roxy Mitchell?" Christian seemed almost incredulous at the prospect.

"Never thought you'd see the day, did you," Syed answered.

Christian giggled and reached out to take Syed's hand in his own. He sighed and looked at Syed for a moment. Once upon a time, being on the receiving end of that look in public would have made Syed uncomfortable, but now he reveled in it... it was as if Christian was staring at a work of art, and it gave him a shiver up his spine that he was the one Christian looked at like that.

"So..." Syed began, "Life partners?"

Christian slowly smiled and flirted back. "It seemed the best way to describe a 'committed relationship'."

Syed's legs were getting sore from crouching so he turned to sit against the wall right up beside Christian so that their shoulders touched and their arms entwined round each others.

"It would be easier to just say 'husband'." Syed hinted.

Christian tilted his head slightly. "It would be. If we were married."

"Maybe we should be." Syed turned his head to look at Christian, their faces mere inches apart and their bodies still connected. He could feel the warmth radiating from Christian and into himself.

"Maybe we should," Christian repeated, and the two of them just sat, quite contented for a few more moments, neither daring to say much else.

Their bubble was suddenly burst by the sounds of sirens approaching and they tore their eyes away from each other to watch as the police car pulled up outside R&R.

"What the hell?" Christian asked as he watched the Police enter the club.

"Looks like we got out just in time."

*

Syed had a smile plastered on his face the next day as he met with his brother. They had decided to head a little bit further out from Walford just to make sure that they weren't seen by their parents. They could have stayed home, but Tam wanted to spend time with his brother somewhere other than a flat on Turpin Road.

So after a day spent doing some shopping, they were now sitting in a coffee shop taking some time to relax.

"You look like a demented clown, Syed, it's really off-putting."

"What?" Syed practically spat his coffee back into the mug as Tam spoke.

"You've been distracted all day, and you're wandering around with a permanent grin on your face. I'd have thought my life was boring you but the smiling wouldn't be a result of that."

Syed smiled, then, realising what he was doing, he cleared his throat and tried to put on a straight face. "I am paying attention."

"So what have I been talking about?"

"You want a girlfriend. You just have no clue what you're doing because you struggle to talk to girls but you don't want mum to start searching for you because you're scared of how she'll shop you around."

"Nice summary."

Syed shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know how much help I can be. Not while staying away from the mosque and mum and dad."

"I know." Tamwar fiddled with the spoon on his saucer. "So what's with the Cheshire Cat grin then?"

"Nothing." Tam shot Syed a look that said there must be something. "Really, there's nothing. I guess I'm just happy."

"Christian must be better than I thought if you walk out the door that happy."

"Tam! It's not about that."

"Sorry, just assumed." Tam continued. "So what else could it be then?"

"I don't know. Christian and I are in a good place, we're both happy. Things are much better now he's properly recovered. We went out last night to the R&R... it was good."

"I thought people got arrested there yesterday."

"That was after we left." Syed toyed with how much he should talk to Tam about this. His brother was supportive but he'd hate to overstep the mark and give him too much information. "He had a bit of a go at Roxy over me, so we went home early."

"What did she do?" Tam coached, giving Syed the opportunity to say a bit more.

"She tried to slip me some alcohol. He got annoyed at her. Chose me over her, basically, and told her to get used to it or he wouldn't see her again."

Tam stuck out his bottom lip as he thought. "It must be serious if Christian would chuck his best friend for you."

Syed wasn't sure if there was some sarcasm from Tam - there always appeared to be a hint of sarcasm from him though. Nonetheless, he continued as if it was a completely serious conversation. Tam had heard the rumours that they were getting married and Syed had shot them down quickly in front of his brother, regardless of how much truth there was in what people had been saying. "It is. We're 'it' for each other. You know that, right?"

"You think that now."

"I'll still think it in fifty years."

"I know you threw away your family to be with him, had to leave the local mosque... but you haven't been with him for long. You can't know it'll last."

"I know that I tried living without him and I couldn't do it." Syed's fingers played around the top of his mug. "Even though there are times that living with him can be... challenging... it's all worth it."

Tam nodded. He was always keeping an eye out. He clearly wanted Syed to be okay. He was fine with Syed being gay, he knew it wasn't something Syed chose to be but the way he was born. His only worry was whether Syed would find someone to be with, considering that being gay ostracised him from the community. Tam was still a little unsure of Christian, but Syed knew it was for his sake that Tam had any reservations. He liked Christian fine. His parents did too once upon a time, especially his dad... Syed just wished they still did.

"You remember the talk from a few weeks ago?" Syed asked. Tam's face remained blank, but Syed continued on anyway. "If Christian and I _were_ to get married, what would you think?"

Tam looked away for a few seconds. "I just want you to be happy, Syed."

Syed had been contemplating the whole thing again - the discussion he'd had with Christian the night before outside of R&R... right then he'd almost asked. Almost.

Christian had said that they'd know when the moment was right. After talking about being life partners they'd both hinted at what could be and just smiled at each other. Had that been the moment? Should something have been said then, while they were safe in their bubble, not paying attention to the dull background thumps of the club but just sitting there, in the most unromantic of settings, talking about the future?

He should have said more, but the sirens had pulled their attention from each other and it seemed the moment had passed, and after that he couldn't build the courage up again. Maybe Christian had felt the exact same thing. Christian could have asked too, of course, and didn't. So maybe that wasn't the moment.

It was all too stressful to put too much thought into. Why couldn't proposing be so much simpler?

"I thought I might ask him." He blurted out to Tam. He'd never gone into detail about the hospital with his brother, so didn't add the 'again', though it was in his head. "I thought I might get a ring... but I don't know... do you propose with a ring if it's two guys?"

"How should I know? I've barely even kissed a girl let alone proposed to one. Even you've done that and you're gay. Can't you just do it like before?"

"I did it in the Vic." Syed hated comparing them... Amira and Christian. Everything he did with Christian should be different to how it was with Amira, if only to stop comparisons or memories of past events floating around. He knew, for one, that whatever ceremony they had would be small and simple and not the lavish spectacle of last New Year.

"Granted, not the most romantic of places," Tam put in, interrupting Syed's thoughts, "But I'll be honest, there's not really much choice in Walford. Your alternatives are the club, the laundrette, the car lot..."

"I get it," Syed stopped Tam from continuing the list. "Maybe we should go away and then I can do it in private, away from everyone. But then, that could be expensive... and he might wonder why I was taking him away somewhere... I'd want it to seem planned but spontaneous..."

Tam screwed up his face, "That's a complete oxymoron, Syed... you can't plan to be spontaneous. Just do it when it seems right."

'That's what Christian said.' Syed thought to himself. "Do I have your blessing though, Tam? It's important to me that you're okay with this."

Tam sighed and then spoke quietly. "Of course you do."


	18. Chapter 18

Christian picked up his bag as he turned away from the Mitchells' house. Syed was right - he'd end up forgiving Roxy entirely by the end of the day. He loved her too much not to. He could easily have given in right then, seeing her big eyes all sad because she was feeling alone, but he stayed strong and had been able to make her stew.

He'd see her properly after this morning's session.

He checked his watch and headed over to the Square. It was Alec first thing today before he had a small break and then a couple more sessions. Somehow today had filled up nicely - Syed must have been on a roll getting them set.

He started warming up, using the bench to rest his legs on during some stretches while waiting for Alec.

"Good news!" The voice came from behind him and he felt Alec's hand on his shoulder.

He turned, slightly startled, as Alec kept his hand there, slightly massaging the back of his neck.

"What happened?" Christian asked.

"The property deal," Alec said with a roll of his eyes, as if surprised Christian could possibly forget why he was even in Walford all the time recently, "I got it."

"Congratulations," Christian nodded, slightly awkwardly, as there was no way he could possibly get excited about it to the same level as Alec. After all, he had no reason to be.

"Thank you." Alec put his stuff down. "I'm actually going to be staying here a lot longer than I originally anticipated. You know I have that flat I've been using? Well, I'm going to properly move into it, at least while I get everything up and running. The commute was getting annoying."

"It's a shame Walford isn't as exciting as what you're probably used to though," Christian said as he led Alec through some warm ups. He didn't need to guide him too much as they were routine by this point.

"To someone who isn't used to the East End, maybe you'd be surprised. So far I've seen plenty to keep me interested in this place."

"You never did tell me which property it was," Christian said. Alec had been superstitious about cursing the deal so had kept very quiet. Christian could only guess at the few empty shop fronts around the place... or perhaps the house next to Patrick's, but that wouldn't be for commercial use...

"You're right, I didn't." Alec stretched his arm across his body and pulled his elbow in tight. "Tell you what, I'll show you which one it is on our warm up run. How about that?"

Christian smiled and said a quiet 'okay' and, after a few more minutes of stretches, he clapped his hands together and geared Alec up to go for a quick run. Alec led them, and took them down Turpin Road and then round onto George Street. Within minutes they were out past the Argee and then they stopped.

"What do you think?" Alec asked.

"The massage place?" Christian was pretty incredulous. Alec would invest in a massage parlour? What would be the point of that?

"Well, it was a massage parlour. Not anymore though. I've got ideas for this place."

"Such as?"

"You'll see." Alec grinned, and if Christian wasn't mistaken, was being pretty flirtatious as he leaned closer. "And I think you might be very happy about it too. It's just what this place needs... and what you need too."

"What I need?" Christian was puzzled. He didn't need anything. Well, he needed Sy... but he had Sy already...

Alec nodded slowly. "Trust me. When I get the 'coming soon' poster up next week, you're going to love it."

Christian's eyes widened. He highly doubted he'd 'love it' as much as Alec's face seemed to indicate but he'd humour him for now and play along - the man was paying him after all, and would continue to do so for a while. It was the least he could do.

*

"It's more complicated than that, babe."

"How? How is it complicated? You're talking rubbish, Christian, as usual." Jane sat beside him at the table and Christian reached out to grab the cup of coffee from her hand.

"The problem is that we've made it into much more of a huge deal now. Because of everything that happened, as soon as one of us raises the subject we either argue about it or just... stare at each other with stupid grins on our faces and do nothing about it. It's pathetic."

Jane smiled at Christian. "It's lovely."

Christian screwed up his nose at her and she reached out and lightly hit his arm.

"It is! It's cute. You still need to just grab it by the horns though. If you want to marry him, just tell him. You know what his response will be."

"I think I do."

"You know you do, come on. He's the one who has already asked you before as it is. Of course he's going to say yes."

"Who'll say yes?" Peter bounded down the stairs two at a time and interrupted their conversation.

"Syed," Jane answered, smiling at Christian who couldn't stop her getting excited and telling people even if he could. "Christian wants to ask him to marry him."

"Really? That's wicked." Peter sat down next to him. Christian suddenly felt shy at the attention from his family, and that was unusual for him. He put it down to the nerves about it, but if he felt like this now, how would he feel when actually asking Syed?

"Yeah, well... that's if I ever get up the courage."

"For heaven's sake, Christian, don't be a baby about it," Jane badgered.

"What's so difficult?" Peter asked. 'The innocence of youth' Christian thought to himself. "I mean, you love him, you want to be with him forever... how hard can it be to just say... 'Will you marry me'?"

"A lot harder than you think." Christian bumped Peter's shoulder with his own. "I mean, should I plan something? Take him on a romantic weekend? Or just... ask him over a nice dinner... or while we're watching telly I could slip it into the conversation..."

"Aren't you thinking too much about it?" Peter asked. "If you over-think it, you'll just get stressed." Jane and Christian looked at each other. Maybe 'innocence of youth' had insight they wouldn't normally credit.

"You're a bit young to understand, Peter-" Christian began but was cut off in his stride.

"I'm a Beale, I can understand complicated; I've seen enough of it." Peter raised his eyebrows as he looked between the two siblings. "I just think this is something that should just be right. It doesn't need to be over-analysed."

Christian took a deep breath and sighed. He reached out and placed his hand on the back of Peter's head. "You're too smart for a 17 year old."

"Maybe you're just getting dumb in your old age." Peter joked and Christian pushed his head in response.

"Oi!" He slapped Peter's back as the young man stood and made his way into the kitchen, telling Jane he was going out and he'd be back in for dinner.

Christian let the smile slowly fade from his lips and turned back to Jane once the door slammed shut. She was still giving him a compassionate look that bordered on sisterly happiness for a wedding to happen, but had a hint of exasperation to it.

"Look," she began, "I know you've been worried about Masood and Zainab throughout this, but don't be. It's not about them now, it's about you two. They don't give you a second glance on the street... why should you give them any thought in return?"

"You talk to Masood though, don't you? You're mates." Christian didn't entirely understand how on Earth anyone in the Masood family would talk to anyone in the Clarke family anymore but somehow they still did - so long as the Masoods could ignore both Christian and Syed. "Doesn't he ever say anything about Sy? About us?"

"It's the one subject that doesn't come up in conversation." Jane looked down at her coffee, clearly knowing that her friendship with Masood could still be awkward for her brother.

Christian felt deflated. It was one thing to ignore the two of them to their faces, but the fact that that they never talked about their son? He couldn't fathom being in that position. Surely it would be next to impossible to not have reminders... or slips of the tongue - if that did happen then it was behind closed doors in the Masood household and nowhere else. It was a well rehearsed phrase now: 'we have two sons'.

Christian groaned. "God, this is so stupid. I should just come out with it. I told him we'd know when the moment was right... but if there is no really right moment then it should just happen..." He looked over at Jane. "What about you and Ian? How'd he do it? Surely I can top him..."

"Well, let's just say that wouldn't be hard and leave it at that."

"Okay," Christian narrowed his eyes. Clearly there was something there to ask about another day. He was about to ask how David did it too, but he still felt awkward bringing Jane's first husband into any conversations so decided to leave that be for the moment.

"Christian - seriously. Get down on one knee... or not... it doesn't matter. If you want to have that commitment ceremony with him, or whatever they call it these days, then go ahead. He wants it too. Trust me."

Jane leaned over and rubbed Christian's arm. He smiled at her and placed his hand on top of hers and squeezed. At least he had the support of his family, even if Syed could barely say the same thing.

"One problem."

"What now?" Jane moaned.

"Where will mum and dad bunk up when they come over? They're not staying with me and Sy."


	19. Chapter 19

Syed was holding Christian's hand, just below the line of the table, as they both relaxed and nursed their cups of tea in the cafe. They'd been sitting there for a while as Christian had an empty morning, so they'd decided to take their time getting ready and then enjoy a nice breakfast. 'Just like a normal couple', Syed recalled.

Their plates had been cleared away already and now they were simply taking their time and people watching while enjoying each others' company. Kat Slater had come in, hand on her baby bump as always, and had taken a seat while waiting on her order. She'd picked up a random magazine and was skimming through its pages. Denise and Jordan were at one of the other tables, while Darren and Jodie sat in the corner booth. Everyone else from the market had come and gone throughout the morning, getting cups of tea and coffee to keep them warm as the weather got colder as they headed into November.

Just as Christian and Kat shared a rather innuendo filled joke from across the tables, prompting them both to laugh quite loudly, Masood walked in with Kamil. Syed immediately felt the air fill with tension as Christian looked up and slowed his laughter. Masood's expression hardened, and after glancing around himself, he beat a hasty retreat.

Syed felt Christian's concerned eyes on him, while Kat seemed mildly confused.

He tightened his grip on Christian's hand and turned to look him in the eyes. "I've had enough of this."

He stood abruptly and had to pull hard to get Christian to let go of his hand.

"Sy, what are you doing?" Christian's voice was low, in an attempt not to attract any attention, though most around them knew exactly what had just happened anyway and were giving fleeting glances to the couple, most of which were pitying, which he really didn't care for.

"I'm going to have a word with my father."

"It won't do any good, you know that."

Syed struggled into his jacket. "It'll make me feel better."

Christian sighed and held his hands up in defeat as Syed stormed out of the cafe and headed towards where he'd seem Masood and the pram disappear into the crowd.

"Dad!" He called, even though he knew it would be ignored if he was even heard in the first place.

He wasn't able to catch up until he'd cleared the end of the market area. Masood must have been heading home and Syed started walking beside him.

"There's something I don't understand, " Syed hissed at his father, who was doing his best to keep walking and not pay attention to his son standing right beside him.

"Go away, Syed. I don't want to talk to you."

"Well, tough. Because I want to talk to you."

Masood stopped in his tracks once they were in the square and near Arthur's Bench, and turned back to look at his son. His face was still like thunder; but Syed felt he was more than matching the look with one of his own.

"This is getting ridiculous. Fleeing the cafe just because I'm in there with Christian? You can't keep living your life by actively avoiding us like this."

"I can live my life how I please, Syed. And apparently, so can you. If you want to wander around Walford hand in hand with... that man-"

"That man has a name. Christian. You used to be good friends with him. You saved him when the Vic was on fire! Mum saved me in the fire!" Syed felt like he was on a roll... he just kept getting such mixed signals from his parents that he didn't understand. "How can you go from caring for your son, and from enjoying the company of a friend to... to whatever we're at now?"

"You know why, Syed." Masood leaned in, pointing his finger accusingly at Syed. "You know that what you did brought shame on the entire family and we are the ones paying the price, while you swan around with a man who will probably have forgotten you by Christmas. Is that the life you want? Really?"

"You seem to have very little faith in Christian, and our feelings for each other." Syed folded his arms.

"I have absolutely no faith in your relationship with him." Masood turned his face away as if he couldn't even stand to look at Syed.

"Well, I'll just have to take great pleasure in proving you wrong." Syed took one last look at his father, then shook his head as he walked away back towards the market.

If there was one thing always in his mind, it was that he made the right decision to be with Christian, as it seemed he was the only person who truly knew Syed these days. Even though Christian was ignorant of his faith, he respected it and he did his best to understand. And even when he knew Syed was uncomfortable, and although he might still blunder around in a typically 'Christian' way... he still always did his best by Syed. That felt like something he hadn't had from his family in years - from the family falling out years ago and Syed being cast aside, to him coming back and having his whole marriage taken over by parents who simply wanted it to reflect well on them.

Christian wasn't selfish. Christian could make mistakes, and did so in the name of his love for Syed. But that was the point... he truly loved Syed. And Syed truly loved him. Nothing was going to part them again.

*

Syed stood outside the Vic. Alfie and Kat Moon were going to be unveiling it the next day and he was curious as to whether it would look like it used to.

Somehow, he really hoped it wouldn't. He'd like it to be different inside. The same, but different - just like him.

He had memories from inside that pub, of proposing to Amira. A knee-jerk reaction to his fears of what Christian could mean to him if he let anything form between them. He had been right that the feelings could develop, but wrong to dismiss them back then. Now, though, he felt as if he could do things right. And this time wouldn't be some simple reaction.

The instance in the hospital had also kind of been a reaction to a bad situation but that time he had been considering everything in his life leading up to it. Profession, family, love...

The question of when he would again ask Christian remained.

"Penny for your thoughts."

"Sorry?"

Kat Slater appeared beside him as he stared at the tarp over the Vic. "Your brain must be hurting from all that thinking going on. Feel like sharing?"

Syed smiled shyly. "It's nothing, really... just wondering about how you've decorated it now."

"You really are gay then... letting out the inner interior designer." Kat rubbed her belly as she laughed. "Where's that hot fella of yours, off working on his guns?"

"He's with a client, yes."

"Come on, then," Kat linked her arm with Syed's and started walking them into the gardens of the square, "Tell your friendly neighbourhood landlady all..."

"About what?" Syed laughed.

"I want all the juicy details." Syed just looked at her with his eyebrows raised. "Not about that! Well, unless you really want to... I mean about the two of you... I thought there were rumours of wedding bells, what happened?"

"Nothing happened. The rumours just started, we don't know how."

"It's a shame." Kat sat on the bench and Syed followed suit. "I wanted to host the reception in the Vic. The Square's first gay wedding, I should think. I want it in my pub."

"So long as you give us a good price..."

Kat slowly smiled at Syed's response. "I knew it. You two really are thinking about it, aren't you!"

"I want to." Syed ducked his head.

"So do it, then!" She rolled her eyes at him.

"I'm not sure how," Syed said, and Kat's eyebrows rose in response. "I mean... it's not like I'm proposing to a girl. Again."

"Keep it simple. Have a drink in the Vic, when it's open again, and just... get up and ask him."

Syed bit his lip. "That's how I did it the last time."

"Right... you were married to a girl before... and she said yes when you did it that way? Crikey..."

"You just said it was a good way to do it!"

"To Christian, yes! But girls want expensive rings and fireworks for their proposals... and I'm pretty sure Christian just wants you... and maybe an audience to show off to..."

"So where else can I do it?"

"Tell you what... why not leave that bit to me. Promise me you'll ask him tomorrow when the Vic re-opens though. We'll get the champagne flowing for the punters and I can guarantee you that Christian will love it."

"I'm not so sure..."

"Trust me. I know what I'm doing. You just concentrate on what you want to say and what you plan on wearing, and I'll take care of the rest."

"What about a ring?"

"What about it?"

"Do you think I should get one?"

"Are you dumb or something? Of course you want a ring, go out and get one!" Kat pulled Syed up from the bench and shoved him away, trying to shoo him into town to get himself sorted. He felt a bit taken aback at how suddenly he seemed to have a deranged, pregnant woman as a wedding planner... and there was no guarantee of a wedding yet either.

"Go on, will ya!" She shot at him when he dared look back at her - and she rubbed her hands together in glee as he disappeared into the market stalls.

Syed climbed the stairs to the flat and pulled the box from his pocket, opening it up. He took the ring out and admired it again. It was just a simple, silver band. He didn't want anything showy and, to be honest, there wasn't much choice for men's rings around the place...

He slipped the ring into his pocket and then wondered what to do with the box. He had to keep it hidden so Christian didn't find it.

He opened the door slowly and called out for Christian, only to hear the shower running. He looked around. He could put it behind the sofa, but the sofa saw action and the cushions, and more, were often falling off when they were lying on it... He could put it in the bin but he didn't want to throw it out... He could put it under the sink, but if Christian went off on one of his cleaning sprees he'd be hunting around under there... He really had no idea where to stash it where Christian wouldn't possibly go near in the next 24 hours...

The shower switched off and he realised he had very little time to decide, so just before Christian appeared he stuffed it down the side of a plant pot on the windowsill. There was no reason for him to go near it, as the plant was fake anyway so wouldn't need watered.

He sat at the table, double checked his pocket and smiled as Christian entered the room.

Nothing was going on; he was just idly sitting there and had been for ages...

"Hi."

Christian was just in a towel. If Syed looked in any way flustered he could easily put it down to the vision of his boyfriend in front of him.

"Hey, yourself. Where have you been?"

"Around..." Syed stood and made his way over to Christian, putting his arms around him.

"Ooookay," Christian hugged Syed back and then, very suddenly, Christian's towel was around his ankles as Syed yanked it from around his waist. Anything else Christian might have wanted to say was smothered by Syed's kisses.

It was one way to shut him up. It was a good way to distract him. And Syed didn't mind one bit if it was slightly underhanded, because he was going to enjoy it. As he shucked his shoes and let his jeans fall to the ground, making a quick mental note to himself to pick them up later on, he dragged Christian over to the bed and pushed him down onto it.

"Someone's feeling frisky."

Syed straddled Christian's hips and supported himself with a hand on either side of Christian's head. "Are you complaining?" He was in one of his possessive moods now, still half dressed as Christian lay naked beneath him. Right now he wanted to make it clear that Christian was his.

"Never," Christian answered, and Syed claimed his lover's lips in a hard kiss.


	20. Chapter 20

Syed had struggled through the morning, trying to act nonchalant while constantly keeping a hand in or near his pocket, fiddling with the ring he had hidden there. He felt relieved while Christian was out. And then he had the phone call from Ian asking that they both go over because he had an announcement to make. That just made him feel guilty, because now he just had his fingers crossed that it wouldn't out-do any announcement he and Christian would be making later, and he hoped it didn't steal his thunder... or force any delay in him asking. Ian seemed quite happy on the phone so he was sure it was a good announcement... whatever it was.

He'd nipped out to see Kat and double checked that she was sure everything would run smoothly. She had reassured him over and over that she had it in hand, yet somehow he couldn't help thinking it had a chance of going wrong. He'd heard about Alfie's mishaps from the past, so right now he hoped Kat was the one of the two of them that had sense when it came to organisation.

He wandered into the flat and said quite a breathy 'hey' to Christian before clearing his throat.

He'd already texted about Ian so Christian was sitting at the table, still in his jacket, lazily reading a magazine, ready to go back out.

Christian grabbed hold of Syed's hand as he stood, and practically dragged him back out the door again.

"Where have you been?"

"Nowhere in particular. Just felt like getting out of the flat for a bit."

"Right." Christian squinted at him. "Any idea what Ian was on about on the phone? How'd he sound?"

"He seemed fine."

After speaking to Jane, Syed dropped what he thought was an obvious hint that he wanted to get to the pub early. To be fair, he'd made a few remarks that day about going over in decent time, and Christian had dismissed them all. He'd been sent out with Ian to get some supplies and when he came back, Christian and Jane were hugging. For a moment he was worried something had gone horribly wrong, but didn't dare show it in front of Ian. It didn't help that he'd had a cryptic text from Christian that just said 'STALL' so he'd tried to slow Ian down - but it hadn't worked very well.

When they left, Christian filled Syed in on what he felt comfortable divulging. Syed understood, of course - it was personal stuff and though he and Christian had no secrets, it was up to Jane to decide what was said to other people. But he gathered that she was considering leaving Ian. In fact she seemed downright adamant. And Syed's stomach fell like a lead balloon when he remembered what Christian had said weeks ago about 'marriages crumbling' around them and how worried he was about them being a death knell for relationships in Walford.

If Christian truly believed that and was now being confronted by his sister's marriage following that trait, would he backtrack on Syed again?

After all, Christian had more or less left everything quite open about marriage the last time they'd talked. That was what had given Syed the confidence to ask again, but now?

Now he wasn't so sure.

*

Roxy was late, but then that wasn't a surprise. Christian ran his fingers up and down his mug of tea and continued to wait, and eventually, ten minutes late, Roxy blew into the cafe.

"Alright, babe, what's the emergency?"

She sat down with a thump on the seat next to his.

He'd asked her to come and meet him, and he knew why, but now that she was here he really didn't know where to start.

"It's..."

"Spit it out, Christian, I'm helping Grandad in the Vic today so I don't have long."

"I went into town yesterday while Sy was busy." Roxy just looked blankly at him. "I went looking in jewellery shops." She shrugged her shoulders, needing more information. "For rings."

That, at least, was pretty obvious.

Roxy's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You and Syed."

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?" She lowered her voice and leaned over.

"Why do you ask that?" He didn't mean it to sound confrontational but he suspected it had come out that way. Though that in itself should be a sign to him that he was sure about it.

"Then why did you ask me here, if it wasn't for some advice?"

"Maybe I planned to ask you to be my best man... woman..."

"Aw, babe," She reached out for his arm, "You know I have that role in the bag." She smiled at him in a way that was infectious enough to make him smile back. "Are you having second thoughts already?"

"No, it just... I got some bad news about J... a friend's marriage hitting the rocks and it just made me think, that's all."

She gave him a pitying look. "I'm not exactly the poster girl for a good marriage but, sweetie, this isn't about other people, it's about you. And him. It's not about how other people are getting on in their lives."

She had a point. A very good point. Roxy could be insightful when given the chance and he knew there was a reason they were friends, even though she sometimes made monumental cock ups.

"I know I'm not exactly Syed's biggest fan and I'm still convinced he's changed you, but if you love him, then you know I'll support you. You need to do what feels right, okay? And it'll give me another wedding to organise after Ronnie's! It'll be brilliant!"

"Don't get too carried away! I haven't even asked him yet."

*

Syed had been nervous for the better part of the day. Luckily he really had been able to avoid Christian for most of it but now they were heading over to the pub for the evening.

They were supposed to be meeting Jane and Ian to celebrate the adoption, as well as celebrating with the population of Walford for the re-opening of the Vic. As Kat had pointed out to Syed, it was an easy cover to get Christian to come along.

He smiled at her when they entered and ordered some drinks, waving over to where Peter was standing, as that meant the rest of the Beales shouldn't be too far away.

Kat ran to the other end of the bar and spoke quietly to Tracey, who grabbed a box and disappeared out the back. It wouldn't have looked shady in the slightest to an onlooker, but Syed knew what was going on and rubbed his hands together with nervous energy. It was underway now, and there was no turning back. He just hoped Kat was right when she said she knew how to handle it all.

There was no way he was asking in the pub, though he was tempted to get it over and done with and turn to Christian right now. But he still worried about past reminders and Kat had gone to a lot of effort for him. They had their plan in place, and by eight o'clock, Syed was to make his next move.

He glanced at his watch... ten to eight.

*

"To family." Ian held up his glass and everyone followed suit with the same toast. Christian shared a knowing glance with Jane and he hoped her brave face wasn't too forced as they celebrated her becoming Bobby's mum.

He reached down between himself and Syed and grabbed hold of Syed's hand. He felt the need at that moment for the connection of strength between the two of them, as he had to deal with Ian's smug face while his sister's heart was breaking.

He had hoped that sometime tonight he might be brave enough to ask Syed to marry him but he felt like that was slipping away. He didn't want to make a scene in the pub - not with Jane like this. And besides, Syed had proposed to Amira in the pub... it seemed like bad form to do the same thing.

He just hoped that when they left to go home later on he'd be able to ask while they sat on the sofa together all cuddled up. It would be simple and quiet - just like how he suspected Syed would prefer it.

"I know Lucy isn't here to celebrate with us, but the rest of us... we're in a good place. Everyone around this table is actually happy for once. Long may it last."

Ian's words were kind, even if he was oblivious to Jane's quiet despairing. It would be nice if everyone around their booth was happy, it was just a shame that it wasn't the case.

"I'll get some more drinks in, shall I?" Christian asked, wanting to make an escape, if only for a few minutes.

"I'll come with you," Syed said, and they stood and headed to the bar.

Christian ordered the same again for everyone and stood leaning against the bar while Syed fidgeted quietly beside him. "You okay?" he asked.

"I think I'm just going to pop to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

"Okay."

Christian smiled at Tracey while she poured the drinks for him.

Kat approached Christian the moment Syed had turned away and grabbed hold of his arm. "Love, I could use a hand outside."

"What did your last slave die of?"

"Christian, don't give me that look," Kat shot back as Christian screwed his face up. "I can't lift stuff with this bump in the way and who better to ask for help than Mr Muscle himself?" She motioned for Tracey to take the drinks over to the Beales while she found another use for Christian.

He laughed, "What about Alfie? He's your husband, ask him!"

"If I ask him for help he'll be even worse than he is now, trying to do everything for me. It's smothering, and I'm sick of it."

"So instead you just get a range of other people to do all the work, do you?" Christian was being slowly dragged towards the door. Of course he was always going to help; he just liked to wind Kat up.

"Something like that, come on."

They reached the door and Kat shoved him outside, where Christian began checking the ground outside the pub, expecting some big boxes or keg to be out there, only to see nothing on the ground. After being whacked on the arm by Kat behind him he looked up to see Syed standing across the street behind the wrought iron bars of the square.

Somehow it felt familiar, though when he'd seen Syed look determinedly from that position before, it had been daylight. Now only the lamp light framed them and there was a glow from somewhere amongst the green of the Square.

They stared at each other across the road until - once again - Christian felt a shove in his back.

"Go on then, you muppet, go see what he has to say."

Christian smiled back at her and then made his legs start moving across the street. He met Syed at the entrance to the Square. Now he could see more clearly that the low glow around them was from several candles places on top of the bench. Syed grabbed Christian's hand and led him over.

"What's all this?" he asked, a little dumbfounded.

"Call it a reward..." Syed said, reminiscing.

"What for?" Christian asked, looking around more, but then meeting Syed's eyes again.

"Christian, you mean everything to me."

Christian swallowed. This seemed big. If this was going where he thought it was, this was big. "I love you," he threw in, interrupting Syed.

"I love you, too." Syed smiled. "Christian, I want to marry you for so many reasons. Selfish ones, political ones, possessive ones... but none of them matter as much as the fact that I love you and I'm never going to stop loving you. We're good together..."

Syed dipped his hand into his pocket and produced a ring, holding it out in front of him, and Christian could see that slight shyness return to Syed's eyes as he asked, "Do me the honour?"

Christian took a deep breath and schooled his face to not just burst into a smile.

"There's just one problem," Christian started, "It's just that I," his hand dipped into his pocket, "was planning on proposing to you."

He produced a ring from where it had been hidden in his own pocket and held it up right next to Syed's hand, where he was holding out his.

They looked at each other and smiled so wide they were almost laughing.

"Syed, when I think about my future, all I see is you there and I've never had that before. I fought to be with you and I'll continue to fight to keep you with me because you make me strong. We've always made a great team, there's no reason to think that's going to stop... I want you to marry me."

They stood for a few moments that must have only been seconds in reality, but felt much longer between heartbeats.

"So," Syed began, "we've both asked... now what?"

"I guess we both answer?" Christian replied. Neither of them had moved their hands and Christian was struck by how silly they would look if they had an audience watching.

"At the same time then?"

"On the count of three?" Christian laughed. It was silly but somehow the whole moment just seemed to make sense; the two of them standing like idiots amongst candles, while holding rings for each other. Something about the absurdity of it actually made it romantic.

"Okay." Syed replied, trying to choke back the laughter that was threatening.

"One..." Christian took a deep breath. "Two..." He glanced down at their hands before looking back into Syed's eyes. "Three..."

"Of course I will."

"Yes, you fool."

"Wait, 'fool'? That's uncalled for." Christian feigned being hurt, as they both fumbled to try and sort out the ring situation.

"It's all that time you spend in the gym, your brain cells have been sacrificed for muscle, would you stop it and let me..." Syed slapped Christian's hand away and took over, putting a ring onto Christian's finger before slipping his own one on too.

"Come here." Christian said as he pulled Syed in tightly. His hands quickly skirted the sides of Syed's body and, resting on either side of Syed's face, guided them together for a kiss. Parting Syed's mouth slowly he dipped his tongue in, meeting Syed halfway as it seemed they did with everything this evening.

"Are you two done yet?"

They broke apart at the lips but were still holding onto each other in a tight hug as the disembodied voice of Kat Moon bellowed over the Square. They looked at each other and began laughing.

*

Jane came out of the pub doors where she'd seen her brother disappear a few minutes before. She stopped just outside as she almost ran into Kat.

"Have you seen, Christian?" She asked, concerned.

"Oh, yeah. He's over there." She pointed over to the Square, but reached a hand out to stop Jane from going over after him. "I wouldn't if I were you. I called out already and got no bloody response. God only knows what those two are doing over there!"

"He's over there with someone?" Her head jumped to the worst possible place it could - that he was there with some bloke.

"Yeah, Syed." Kat said, alleviating Jane of her worries immediately. She kicked herself for not assuming it was Syed in the first place.

"What's going on? What do you know?" Jane squinted at Kat as she caught the smile on the other woman's face.

"Actually, you know what? Screw waiting here, let's go find out for ourselves." Kat grabbed hold of Jane's wrist and dragged her over, ignoring Jane as she did her best to point out to Kat that she didn't really want to see her brother doing whatever it was he normally did with Syed. She loved him, but there were some things that siblings shouldn't witness...

As they turned into the Square they stopped in their tracks as Christian and Syed stood hugging.

"Well?" Kat asked, excitedly.

"Did she know?" Christian asked Syed.

Syed looked guiltily at Christian as they parted, but they were still holding hands. "She wanted to help."

"Do I have a reception to host or what?" Kat asked impatiently.

Syed glanced at Christian. "I promised her."

"Fine," Christian answered, "I guess it's traditional 'round here anyway..."

"Ha!" Kat rubbed her hands together. "Okay boys, get your behinds back in the pub; give the punters something to cheer for."

Jane remained quiet. She was happy for her brother, she truly was. She smiled at him and he dropped Syed's hand to come over and hug her.

"Congratulations." She said softly to him.

"Jane, about earlier..."

"Stop it," she interrupted him, "that's all different. This is about you two now. Go back in there and enjoy your moment."

They hugged again and Christian kissed her cheek before turning back and putting his hand out for Syed to take hold of it.

*

Kat rang the bell from behind the bar. "Everyone shut it, a minute!" She called out while the full pub slowly quietened down.

"I want everyone to raise their glasses because we've got more than just the Vic opening to celebrate tonight - two of Walford's love birds have decided to get hitched."

A couple of wolf whistles were let out and a few whoops before Kat could say anything more.

"A toast! To Christian and Syed!"

The majority of people in the pub clapped and whooped for the two of them and those around them patted them on the back and offered congratulations, but there were some in the room who clearly didn't agree with it. It wasn't difficult to spot Masood at the other end of the bar, his face like thunder as he watched Christian and Syed kiss after a round of chants for them to do so.

Jane approached him as his fingers played around the glass of orange juice.

"Masood, we're friends, right?"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"I know it's difficult for you." She leaned on the bar next to him. "But I'm happy for them."

Masood sighed loudly. "I wish I could be."

He looked at her and offered a weak smile before taking his leave from the pub to head home, unsure of whether or not he should tell Zainab now or let her find out the hard way from Denise later on...

*

"That's two more gone off the market at once. It's just not fair." Kim downed the end of her drink.

"And good looking ones at that." Kat leaned right over the bar, her bump getting in the way as she did so.

"That's just adding salt to the wound, that is." Kim motioned for Kat to fill the glass up again.

They watched as Christian and Syed backed out of the pub as they headed home, while punters around them winked and alluded to what they'd be doing when they got there to celebrate.

*

Christian pulled Syed into the flat and shut the door behind him with his foot. Syed laughed as he took off his jacket and Christian's hands began to wander over him.

"With all those people buying you drinks... how many have you had?"

"I have no idea." He grabbed Syed's face and pulled him in for a long kiss. "But I've been suffering through being polite tonight. I just wanted to bring you home ages ago."

"Me too." Syed pushed Christian's jacket down his arms and left it lying on the floor behind them.

They stumbled over to the bed, all the while trying to get each others' clothes off and not lose full body contact, which was proving to be nearly impossible. They collapsed onto the bed together while shoving their jeans down and Syed found himself mostly on top of Christian, looking down at the man he loved.

He paused for a moment. "You're amazing..." he said, as he hooked a hand over the collar of Christian shirt and slowly finished undoing the buttons, exposing Christian's broad chest.

"Save it for the vows."


	21. Epilogue

Alec stayed well away from Christian after the big announcement. He'd been hidden in the background of the pub all night, wondering how to approach the man, but now he decided he'd best not. He'd need to regroup now.

He sighed as he rubbed his face. Clearly he had his work cut out for him, but he'd fix it.

It had all started with a flier. The fact that the sight of Christian's face on a piece of paper with a rubbish pun for a business name on it actually pulled him in was a minor miracle. He'd thought himself now to be beyond caring or wanting to find 'the one'. Yet something inside him told him Christian would be good for him. He'd called the number, and liked what he'd heard. Meeting Christian for his taster training session, he'd liked what he'd seen. And now he simply liked the man he knew.

Maybe Christian could be the one for him. They had plenty in common. Alec owned two family restaurants and Christian had been in catering for years. Alec had wanted to branch out a bit more and here was Christian doing just that by setting up a new business for himself - that inspired him.

It had been over ten years since his parents had died, leaving their estate, money and businesses to him. He'd inherited them just as he'd finished university and had been plunged head first into the business world with barely a care for his social life. He'd cut himself off from the world by this point and slowly lost contact with friends. Now everyone was an acquaintance or associate to him. He was getting older and now he finally felt ready to devote more time to finding someone to share his life with.

Syed had been a disappointment. Hearing about the man that Christian had fallen in love with was one thing, but seeing him? How could this scrawny weed of a man be loved by Christian Clarke? He was underwhelmed at best when he'd laid eyes on Syed and he had a feeling it wouldn't be hard to get Christian's attention away from him.

Unfortunately, subtle hadn't quite worked so far. Christian hadn't flirted back. He was worried that he'd gone about it all wrong by hiring Christian. Clearly the man didn't want to get involved with a client.

Alec had an idea, but it wouldn't fully solve that issue... he just hoped that a change of setting - and their roles - might help ease Christian's mind a little. And maybe doing something for Christian might soften him up a bit too.

He watched them. In the pub. Laughing. Hugging. Smiling at the people around them.

He didn't like it.

When Christian had been hurt in that fire it had taken every ounce of his being not to go to the hospital and see him. He felt he needed to respect that, at the moment, they weren't together and he wasn't much more than a client and friend. If Christian's other friends had gone to see him then it wouldn't have looked weird for him to have gone too, but they seemed to have stayed away. He'd kept checking on Christian, and he knew that he was going to be okay. Alec had sucked it up and he'd talked to Syed about it almost every day on the phone.

He felt as if his past had come back to haunt him when he'd discovered it had been fire that had hurt Christian and almost taken him away from him.

He'd only just come out to his parents the night before they had died. He'd only just argued with them and had them throw him out the house, when they'd perished. It had been an awful night. He'd been disowned by overly religious parents only for hellfire to swallow them up during the evening. The next day he'd inherited everything.

The smoke alarm had dead batteries in it and there had been faulty wiring in the kitchen which had sparked everything off.

He'd spent days talking about it as a great tragedy to all the well wishers in black who turned out for the funeral. He'd put on a polite face through it all and had been told he was strong for holding up so well. What they didn't know was that by the end he'd hated them and was glad they were gone.

They'd bloody deserved everything they got that night.

And now he was the ruthless businessman no one should cross.

He always got what he wanted.

And now, Alec Banagher had arrived in Walford.


End file.
